Opinion: Obama’s still holding healthcare town halls? What would Chuck Norris do?

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We were going to publish, as we have often done in the last several years, it seems, yet another transcript of yet another healthcare town hall by President Obama.

How he takes off the suit jacket that he just donned in the car outside and thanks his closest Cabinet member and the same local officials with different names, and says ‘I love you back’ to the usual someone who shouts, ‘We love you, Barack!’ And provides a longish recitation of his shortish administration’s work and how the nation needs his healthcare plan.

But then we got to thinking: Wait a minute! This guy already won the legislative struggle last Sunday when the House passed his $940 billion measure. Obama already signed the healthcare legislation with nearly two dozen pens after Joe Biden already committed a couple of gaffes.

And yet, here is No. 44 days later still out campaigning for the already-in-effect healthcare bill. What about Joe Shovel Ready Biden’s favorite three letter word -- J-O-B-S?

This is a genuine predicament: So, naturally the question arises, what would Chuck Norris do?

That’s a common question about the former airman who learned martial arts in Korea, created his own website and anti-drug program and has become an Internet sensation as an....

...all-powerful super-being who can solve pretty much any political, social or global problem with his notoriously lethal roundhouse kick that is so fast you can’t even see it.

Want to see it again?

Chuck Norris followed actor Steve McQueen’s advice to take acting classes, which may not have fully worked actually. But Chuck Norris went on to become a good guy in the successful ‘Missing in Action’ films and ‘Delta Force’ and ‘Walker Texas Ranger’ on TV, which produced a large number of dead bodies, most of them believed fake.

Chuck Norris, you may have heard, once played Russian Roulette with a fully-loaded gun -- and won. If Obama was bipartisan enough to ask the 70-year-old Republican for help, Chuck Norris would surely take care of the Iran problem. No problem.

It is said that even Google cannot find Chuck Norris because Chuck Norris finds you. But if you tried Googling ‘What would Chuck Norris do,’ you might get this. You can also get endless lists of Chuck Norris jokes.

(BTW, don’t ever call him by his real name, Carlos; Chuck Norris prefers Chuck Norris.)

Anyway we have decided that, like the beloved teacher way back in that long ago high school English class, we would cancel today’s predictable classroom work on healthcare and watch a movie instead. (WARNING: This cult video contains graphic scenes of incredibly fake violence.)

Full disclosure: As part of our bipartisan unpredictability around here, our colleague deemed the Smoker-in-Chief’s full prepared Iowa speech text worthy of posting earlier today.

The news there is that he does basically challenge the Republicans to run a repeal-the-bill campaign this fall or maybe in 2012 too. Which is a kinda clever move as these things go since the Republicans were obviously planning to do that anyway. And now, as Washington scores things, an unafraid Obama made it appear the GOP is reacting to him. Dontcha love D.C. politics?

-- Andrew Malcolm

If anyone had the courage to ask Chuck Norris, he’d say to click this link for free Twitter alerts of each new Ticket item. Or follow us @latimestot. You can also go to our growing Facebook fan page here. (But please don’t tell Chuck Norris about this claim because we may not have actually asked his permission.)