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Whereas said Barack Obama orders up a new Council of Governors to talk security stuff

January 12, 2010 |  1:34 am

A happy and casual Democrat president Barack Obama chats on the phone in the Oval Office

WHEREAS, the duly-elected President of these United States, Barack Obama, a Democrat, has determined that,

a) there is an insufficient number of advisory bodies among the gazillion already in existence for the federal government in general and said president and his White House specifically; and,

b) he chooses to ignore the existence of the National Governors Assn., the Republican Governors Assn., the Democratic Governors Assn. and the secure telephones within arms-reach of virtually everywhere said president chooses to sit and/or recline, and having duly decided that,

c) one more meaningless advisory body probably couldn't hurt anything, and might actually look good, and,

WHEREAS, the first anniversary approacheth of said Democrat taking the oath of office two times just to be safe, this 44th president having been duly stung by growing whispers that he's paying way too much attention to the usual Democratic domestic spending programs in general and....

...expanding healthcare specifically at an enormous cost to be finally paid by someone else years down the road, possibly to the detriment of time and money invested in national security affairs in general and connecting terrorism plot intelligence dots specifically in the present,

THEREFORE, be it known that said president, under the authority granted to him by a pretty sizable majority of American voters in November 2008, and in the midterm election year interests of appearing to do something, anything, about national defense beyond admitting to unacceptable "screw-ups" by others over not dot-connecting, has this previous day ordered the creation of a new, really important Council of Governors.

Said swell body shall consist of ten (10) governors, half from said president's esteemed Democratic Party, and half from the other crowd still trying to get its political act together 14 months after crashing in electoral flames piloted by, well, a pilot and a pitbull wearing lipstick;

These governors, surely to include those of both the male and female persuasion from representative regions of these United States and having both light and dark skins as determined by the Democratic Senate Majority Leader, hereby referred to herein as Harry Reid of Nevada, shall meet now and then and talk at great length with federal designees with uselessly long job titles to discuss the National Guard and other topics involving the homeland, the results of which may or may not ever seep up to the big guy who no longer needs to wear a suit coat in the Oval Office.

None of this Executive Order shall be deemed to matter whatsoever beyond the PR associated with its perfunctory issuance on the 11th day of January in the year of our you-know-who-but-we-can't-say-or-the-ACLU-will-sue 2010, the 356th day of said president's reign and the 234th year, give or take, of this Nation's independence.

It is hereby ordered that the full text of the actual man-caused Obama Executive Order about said Governors Council be published herewith in full below in Top of the Ticket.

-- Andrew Malcolm

January 11, 2010  Executive Order

Establishment of the Council of Governors

By the authority vested in me as President by the Constitution and the laws of the United States of America, including section 1822 of the National Defense Authorization Act of 2008 (Public Law 110-181), and in order to strengthen further the partnership between the Federal Government and State governments to protect our Nation and its people and propeDemocrat president Barack Obama puts his feet up on the historic Oval Office presidential deskrty, it is hereby ordered as follows:Section 1. Council of Governors.

(a) There is established a Council of Governors (Council). The Council shall consist of 10 State Governors appointed by the President (Members), of whom no more than five shall be of the same political party. The term of service for each Member appointed to serve on the Council shall be 2 years, but a Member may be reappointed for additional terms.

(b) The President shall designate two Members, who shall not be members of the same political party, to serve as Co-Chairs of the Council.

 Sec. 2. Functions. The Council shall meet at the call of the Secretary of Defense or the Co-Chairs of the Council to exchange views, information, or advice with the Secretary of Defense; the Secretary of Homeland Security; the Assistant to the President for Homeland Security and Counter-terrorism; the Assistant to the President for Intergovernmental Affairs and Public Engagement; the Assistant Secretary of Defense for Homeland Defense and Americas' Security Affairs; the Commander, United States Northern Command; the Chief, National Guard Bureau; the Commandant of the Coast Guard; and other appropriate officials of the Department of Homeland Security and the Department of Defense, and appropriate officials of other executive departments or agencies as may be designated by the Secretary of Defense or the Secretary of Homeland Security.Such views, information, or advice shall concern:

(a) matters involving the National Guard of the various States;

(b) homeland defense;

(c) civil support;

(d) synchronization and integration of State and Federal military activities in the United States; and

(e) other matters of mutual interest pertaining to National Guard, homeland defense, and civil support activities.

Democrat president Barack Obama on the Phone again

Sec. 3. Administration.

(a) The Secretary of Defense shall designate an Executive Director to coordinate the work of the Council.

(b) Members shall serve without compensation for their work on the Council. However, Members shall be allowed travel expenses, including per diem in lieu of subsistence, as authorized by law.

(c) Upon the joint request of the Co-Chairs of the Council, the Secretary of Defense shall, to the extent permitted by law and subject to the availability of appropriations, provide the Council with administrative support, assignment or detail of personnel, and information as may be necessary for the performance of the Council's functions.

(d) The Council may establish subcommittees of the Council. These subcommittees shall consist exclusively of Members of the Council and any designated employees of a Member with authority to act on the Member's behalf, as appropriate to aid the Council in carrying out its functions under this order.

(e) The Council may establish a charter that is consistent with the terms of this order to refine further its purpose, scope, and objectives and to allocate duties, as appropriate, among members.

Sec. 4. Definitions. As used in this order:

(a) the term "State" has the meaning provided in paragraph (15) of section 2 of the Homeland Security Act of 2002 (6 U.S.C. 101(15)); and (b) the term "Governor" has the meaning provided in paragraph (5) of section 102 of the Robert T. Stafford Disaster Relief and Emergency Assistance Act (42 U.S.C. 5122(5)).

Sec. 5. General Provisions.

(a) Nothing in this order shall be construed to impair or otherwise affect:

(1) the authority granted by law to a department, agency, or the head thereof; or (2) functions of the Director of the Office of Management and Budget relating to budgetary, administrative, or legislative proposals.

(b) This order shall be implemented consistent with applicable law and subject to the availability of appropriations.

(c) This order is not intended to, and does not, create any right or benefit, substantive or procedural, enforceable at law or in equity by any party against the United States, its departments, agencies, or entities, its officers, employees, or agents, or any other person.

/s/ BARACK OBAMA

THE WHITE HOUSE, January 11, 2010    ###

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Photos: Lawrence Jackson / White House (top); Pete Souza / White House.

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