One final official Obama warning about D-Day Friday, as in Digital TV

Many things are absolutely essential to American civilization -- cars, cellphones, microwaves, laptops, drive-thrus, iPods, politics blogs, fourth-grade band concerts, double-cheeseburgers, electricity, voicemail, tooth whiteners, refrigerator magnets and "No. 1 Grandpa" license plate holders. Also toilet paper.

But right up there somewhere on that list would also be television, that amazing contraption that some people can well remember a pretty good life without back when movies and radio were essential.

Which is why it's so understandable that Gary Locke (below), President Obama's second choice for Commerce secretary, who didn't have problems with income taxes or a federal grand jury, would issue another urgent warning to "Unprepared Consumers" about this Friday's looming deadline.

The Obama White House issued its own alert last week, even while the boss with the suddenly prominent middle name was busy nudging Israel while appealing to the world's 1.5 billion Muslims.

June 12 is the new D-Day, Digital Day, the absolute shut-off, no-sound, blank-screen deadline for conversion to digital TV, already postponed once from last winter.

Let us be very clear: Obama has been very clear he will grant no extensions. Not even if the NBA Finals go that long.

But, then, he's probably got satellite.

Not that the makers of digital conversion boxes had any influence over Congress requiring this change from rabbit-ear antennas that worked pretty well if you touched them just right for, oh, about three generations.

The public reason given is that firefighters and police need the old frequencies to order pizzas and donuts. Also the fake grass will look sharper during NFL games.

Whatever.

In an actual news release direct from his department, Locke said: "I urge consumers who use an older television not on cable or satellite to take the necessary steps to ensure that they can continue receiving the news and information they rely on after June 12."

A clear slam against commercial entertainment programming.

It turns out that in addition to controlling giant banks and insurance companies and taking majority ownership in GM, the federal government is now in the consumer coupon business, offering $40 coupons for people to convert their older TVs.

Analog TV households (or coupon speculators) can acquire a maximum of ...

... two 90-day coupons per address up until July 31 "while supplies last."

Locke says coupons can be given to family members, but cannot be sold. Good luck enforcing that one.

But -- and here's the catch -- in his bipartisan warning Locke tells millions of Americans that application for the conversion coupon takes nine full business days -- as in 216 hours plus 48 more for the intervening weekend. A total of 264 hours if everything goes well. Which is Pony Express speed in the real world. But in a Washington full of change, that's like lightning.

So even if you stopped reading this vital blog item this very second to apply for your digital TV conversion coupon, there is absolutely no chance that you will get it before the deadline. None. Too late. Out of luck. Up a creek. The worst television crisis since some president spoke to the nation on the tube in 1929, which didn't really happen, although Democratic VP Joe Biden recalled it after his nearly 40 years in the Senate waiting for Obama to grow up.

As shocking as it may seem, such a vast TV blackout means that millions of Americans who want millions of other Americans to help subsidize their old TVs could potentially face an entire week -- or more -- of life without Mary Hart and Billy Mays and the jokey local weatherman.

That an affluent America which could at one time send men to the moon would allow that kind of social suffering in 2009 is beyond comprehension. What's a few billion more? Since no one can count the deficit anyway, perhaps the feds should buy every American a new TV and require they be made in, say, Illinois. How about a digital czar?

If President Obama decided during those nine days of coupon processing to address the world's largest religious community -- the 2.1 billion Christians -- or the 900 million Hindus or even the 2,704 remaining Episcopalians (most of them feuding bishops), the coupon-waiting households would be unable to watch No. 44 on over-the-air TV.

Which may help explain why Secretary Locke seems in such a hurry.

-- Andrew Malcolm

Photos: Getty Images (top); Chicago Tribune.

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Comments

[Jeffrey Blatt]

It's about time the US moved to full digital......no love lost for analog!

[Anonymous Anonymous]

The entire digital switchover situation is a government boondoggle. How many of your remember that the original switchover date was more than 5 years ago and that the Feds blew through that without blinking an eye? Watching TV is not a constitutional right, just a privilege. It's up to each individual (family), not the government, to have the necessary hardware.

[concerned citizen]

Big business has such a strong hold on our government, nothing will get done... Drivers insurance was mandatory, not to the benefit of the public but the issuers, and they want more, give illegal aliens insurance because it protects the public, and that is BS, if that was the case, why not give money back to safe drivers that never uses the coverage.

Katrina displayed the ability for them to waffle on paying out, and the government just ate the breakfast they digested the morning before while they were passing it. leaving Americans that thought they were doing the right thing by paying into it, some for more than 50 years.

I have AIG life insurance, and dont know if they will be around to honor the contract I have had with them 10 years if my family needs them. I cant even get a response back from my president to know if I should continue paying my hard earned income into it, or stop while I am not 20 years deep....

Make an announcement why dont you that if I dont upgrade my tv I will be without it.

How about making an announcement Mr. President that companies that are taking our money may not be viable in the near future.

[nmoore6676]

I am not quite certain that a TV is essential. I lived a major portion of my like in the 60's with no TV. I spend little time with it today, mostly on Fox News and shows like "House", "NCIS" ,and "Law and Order', when I remember to tune in. In fact i would have to say that we might be better off as a Nation and Society with a lot less television.

[ruralAmericangirl]

My parents live on a farm and applied for their two coupons last *year* - and still haven't received them. My mother was never able to track down the "status" of their two coupons; she got so disgusted. The conversion happened here several months ago. She finally gave up in disgust and bought a new TV. But with all the media in the tank for Obama, they really don't watch it too much anymore - preferring instead to listen to Rush, Hannity, and Roger Hedgecock every day.

[Mike Stevens]

"boss with the suddenly-prominent middle name?" I seem to remember you people making a big stink about it during the campaign. Don't see anything suddenly prominent here but a bunch of sore losers.

[Sean Dougherty]

There are going to be a lot of big boxy old sets in the trash on Monday.

But question: will the new ones last as long?

[Mike Licht]

The Digital TV transition is no trouble at all if your cables are correctly polarized. Go to Screen 47 of the DTV Converter Box On-Screen Installation Guide and use the resident GPS to correctly align your antenna for each channel, allowing for local ionospheric conditions, and ARRRGGGHH!

Technical reference:

http://notionscapital.wordpress.com/2009/06/12/tv-d-day-usa