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Orgasms and politics, the real choice

February 12, 2008 |  1:04 am

Apparently several hundred thousand readers of this website have gotten lost online in recent days on their way to this politics blog and accidentally clicked instead on a long story item headlined, "Science of the orgasm." That's been the most e-mailed thing from LATimes.com for two days running now. No explanation why.

It's a perfectly fine professional story by our colleague Regina Nuzzo exploring how science is exploring the mysterious human orgasm, which is no doubt a good thing in terms of social and cultural progress and fecundity. No politician -- or political writer -- in their right mind would oppose such scientific exploration because orgasms are generally considered good things even by Republicans, although party policy strictly forbids talking about them.

And, so far anyway, orgasms have escaped government regulation, taxation and licensing, although you never know with the Democrats looking pretty strong this year.

That very popular orgasm story on this website -- no, wait, don't go there yet! -- has within....

it all kinds of words like clitoris, vagina, penis and prostate, we're told. There's really no reason for people who write or perform or care about politics to indulge in reading such scientific stories because we deal only in the fine, important art of politics and its historic importance for this nation. And we can't stand salacious.

Our blog items here are about the more fascinating to's and fro's of two ancient political parties struggling internally to select a presidential nominee, who will select a vice presidential nominee. And all the orchestrated hoopla, the tiring travel and repetitive political blather that accompany such quadrennial quests.

And then, as the country has done every leap year for more than two centuries, in what only seems like a few endless months its voters will select the next president of the United States, the commander in chief and, in more recent decades, the leader of the free world to confront a series of major cultural, religious and geopolitical challenges that threaten the very future of democracy and national security as we -- indeed, the globe -- have come to know it.

As purely political writers, we could care less about skillfully crafted competing news stories that say things like: "In an orgasm orchestra, the genitalia may be the instruments, but the central nervous system is the conductor."

Sure, it sounds good. But what does that mean anyway?

More importantly, what is the relevance of such information to people seeking to become president and the eager attentive nation of many millions watching full time, waiting anxiously and thinking singularly about that choice come Nov. 4?

We understand that orgasm story also says things like, "Armed with new lab tools and fearless volunteers (!!), scientists are getting first-ever glimpses of how the brain lights up (and, in places, shuts down) when the orgasmic fireworks go off."

Have you ever seen the fireworks at a presidential Inauguration?

We understand that people who read this popular orgasm story are forced to wade through vivid passages describing an actual orgasm. "First," someone tells us, it says, "stimulating the genitals sends electrical impulses along three main paths -- the pelvic, hypogastric and pudendal nerves...these titillating signals enter the spinal cord...and zip to the brain...Then other parts of the brain leap into action...vagina...penis...faster. The intensity builds to a crescendo and just..."

But you get the message. Science stories are science stories. This blog is all about politics and its central importance to the healthy functioning of our nation. So here's this morning's political news:

Presidential candidate Mike Huckabee has announced the endorsement of Rep. John Culberson of Houston. "I have always believed in electing officials who are committed to upholding limited government and protecting personal liberties," Culberson said. "In Texas, I have constantly fought to ensure that the people of Texas run Texas...Huckabee has proven himself to be a strong, solid conservative...urge my fellow Texans to join me...in the Texas Primary on March 4th."

To which, Huckabee shockingly replied, "It is an honor to receive Cong. Culberson's endorsement...applaud his efforts to fight for limited government...pleased to welcome him to our team...March 4th."

So, clearly given a choice and finding the right web link, who wouldn't rather read about politics than some silly science story about explosive rushes and orgasms?

--Andrew Malcolm

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