Opinion: Extra! A political profile you don’t need anymore but...

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Well, GQ, the magazine, is out with its big political campaign profile of -- wait for it! -- Mitt Romney.

Ooops, talk about bad timing.

Don’t you just hate it when you assign a writer to spend an entire expensive month with the next possible president of the United States criss-crossing the country in what passes for political campaigns in America these days -- carefully-prepared rallies of already-sold supporters gathered in chilly airport hangars waving signs and cheering the exact same words the candidate said at the last three brief airport layovers, all for the benefit of TV cameras?

And the writer writes the expensive story. And the editor edits the expensive story, carefully stressing the parts that make the subject look like....

a robot and prints thousands of copies on expensive paper and puts it up online before the copies hit the newsstands and sends out promotional e-mails, hoping journalists will notice and write about it.

And then, 12 days before your magazine reaches the newsstands, your profiled politician quickly quits the race. Just like that.

He up and stops spending millions of dollars because he’s a darned good businessman -- and politician -- and, unlike one former Arkansas governor with the initials M.H., sees he’s not going to win the Republican nomination. So he becomes the loyal party soldier and invisibly gets in line for next time by giving up for this time.

And even amid the disappointment and loss of their jobs his excellent communications team promptly e-mails out thank yous to thousands of supporters, which is how you know he’s already preparing for later and preserving the electronic lists.

And as fast as you can say ‘Because I love America I feel I must stand aside,’ your big cynical magazine hit is irrelevant. Pffft. So you have to change the online promo to say, He ‘was supposed to win it all. So what happened?’ Even though the story was written as if he could be the next leader of the free world.

Now, nobody cares about the guy. The cameras are gone. He’s suddenly so yesterday. That’s American politics in 2008. Ask Fred Thompson as he shops for diapers in suburban D.C. Or Chris Dodd or Sam Brownback, who at least are still senators, in case that matters to anyone.

Anyway, if you want to read about behind-the-scenes in the deceased Romney campaign as written by someone who seems a little jealous of this successful, wealthy man with great teeth and hair and the same high school sweetheart wife for 38 years with a good-looking, well-educated family none of whom are estranged or under indictment who’s a great manager with a PowerPoint but a little awkward in crowds and clumsy telling jokes sometimes, you can read it here.

If you want to read a profile of Hillary Clinton by an excellent writer named Lisa DePaulo that got printed in the same magazine before she got beaten by Barack Obama, which may not actually happen but at least GQ got it printed in time, go here.

If you want to read how Romney withdrew Thursday and the text of what he actually said at the end of his $90+ million political journey, go here.

--Andrew Malcolm