Opinion: Giving money according to the news?

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We’ll bet the first thing that came to your mind when you heard that Atty. Gen. Alberto Gonzales was resigning was, ‘I’d better write out a check to the John Edwards campaign.’

No?

Well, that’s too bad. They’re waiting for your generous contribution right now. Joe Trippi thinks it’s a real good idea. He’s a top crony of Edwards called senior advisor. (Do you suppose anyone ever gets appointed junior advisor to campaigns?)

As soon as word got out that Gonzales was going, going, gone Monday and Edwards uttered his pithy ‘Better late than never’ line along with other Democrats, the former North Carolina senator’s campaign fired out a fundraising plea from Trippi.

It’s the latest thing, especially if you’re running way, way behind in polls and the money game. Play off the news and ask for dough, even if the connection is as slim as your chances of election.

‘This [resignation] is a victory for all of us,’ Trippi wrote. ‘Your calls for change, your energy and your passion helped make this happen.’ That’s the celebration part. Now comes the ominous warning: ‘But as pleased as we are to see Gonzales go, the fight is far from over.... [Bush] may try to permanently replace Gonzales with another crony from his administration--someone like Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff.’

Now comes the good news: ‘John Edwards knows America deserves better than crony out, crony in--and if Bush tries to replace one crony with another, John will lead the fight against their nomination just like he led the calls for Gonzales to resign more than five months ago.’

Now, get ready for it. Here comes the pitch: ‘We need your support in this fight--just like we needed your support in the fight against Gonzales. Support the campaign that is saying ‘no’ to crony out, crony in--make a donation today.’

You’re committed, right? You’re cashing in your IRA already to send it to John to ...

carry on the good fight. And in case that appeal didn’t work on you on Monday, David Bonior, another Edwards crony titled campaign manager, sent out another one on Tuesday.

The latest one was tied to ‘a partisan power grab going on in California--and we need your help today to stop it.’ According to the e-mail, it’s all part of a ‘cynical scheme’ to change the way California’s 55 electoral votes are apportioned in presidential elections to assign them by congressional districts won by each candidate instead of winner-take-all.

‘Republican lawyers and wealthy insiders’ (are there any other kind?) are ‘working behind the scenes’ trying ‘to rig the entire national election system in favor of their presidential candidate.’ Of course, every political party tries to do all it can to win and this proposal requires a statewide petition drive to get on the California ballot for the entire state to vote on, but somehow there wasn’t room for that qualification in the e-mail.

Signing the Edwards petition against this cynical move does happen to require registration on the campaign website involving your name, address and e-mail. So you can count on receiving many other urgent campaign missives as long as his campaign lasts.

Also requiring website registration is the opportunity to send Sen. John McCain a birthday card. That’s right, a birthday card. Last week his wife, Cindy, sent out an e-mail invitation to sign the card for John’s 71st birthday, which is today, and if you’d like to make a campaign donation at the same time, well, that would be perfectly welcome too.

Early in the presidential campaign this year, McCain professed he was not very good at fundraising. And to date he’s proved himself correct, lagging both in funds and poll numbers.

Then today came another McCain e-mail, this one from ‘Johnny’s mother,’ Mrs. Roberta McCain. She recalls how in her son’s youth she was known as Johnny’s mother because even then he was the children’s leader. ‘Service to one’s country is a tradition in our family,’ she says.

In honor of his birthday today, she suggests a campaign donation of $71, $142 or even $213--’as much as you can to help his campaign.’ How can anyone turn down a 95-year-old mom?

We’ll let you go now so you can start writing those checks.

--Andrew Malcolm