Where's Michael Phelps when we need him?

It's Day 9 of the Olympics, and it looks like the United States is tied in the overall medal competition with ... let's see ... Botswana!

Oh, and Kuwait. And Togo. And Uzbekistan. And a few others.

Which is to say, we have a big fat zero. A goose egg. Nada. Zilch.

Finland, meanwhile, leads the rankings with 32 medals, followed by Hong Kong (26), Japan (13) and New Zealand (11).

You've probably gotten the idea by now. These are results of the Education Olympics, a conceit dreamed up by the folks at the Thomas B. Fordham Institute, who seem to think that our national priorities are a bit askew when we RULE beach volleyball but are barely in the game when it comes to international educational rankings. (Which, we would like to point out, are not conducted in bikinis, so that's a problem right there.)

There are those, to be sure, who don't put much stock in these international comparisons, which include the Trends in International Mathematics and Science Study (TIMSS), the Progress in International Reading Literacy Study (PIRLS), the Programme for International Student Assessment (PISA), and the Civic Education Study (CIVED).

Those PISA people can't even spell program correctly! Who's going to trust them?

But others, apparently including the Fordham Institute, think we ought to be paying attention to the fact that our students lag behind their counterparts in, among other places, Estonia and Slovenia. (No offense intended, Estonians and Slovenians!)

Incidentally, if you think NBC overdoes it with tape-delayed competitions, the Education Olympics are based on test results that were released months or even years ago. So as we head toward Day 10, you can slide back off the edge of your chair.

Spoiler alert: There will be no last-minute comeback for the United States in these Olympics. We're going down. Anyone want to make a prediction for 2012?

-- Mitchell Landsberg