Imagine finding out that your ex-boyfriend, the really smart, funny, cute musician who broke your heart, the guy you stupidly dyed your trademark blonde hair brown for, is shacked up at a Miami hotel with his new love, a beautiful, funny, famous (and natural brunette!) TV star.
And to top it off, your studly famous football player beau dumps you.
You might cry. You might throw things. You might reach for the Haagen Dazs. Or you might make everything worse by hitting the margaritas hard, which is ill-advised because the next day everything's still awful, but now you look terrible too.
But the latter is what US Weekly reports that Jessica Simpson did after John Mayer went public about his new relationship with Jennifer Aniston.
The 27-year-old singer reportedly was so out of it after tossing 'em back for four happy hours May 10 at L.A.'s Mexicali Cocina Cantina, with her BFF CaCee Cobb and Cobb's beau Donald Faison, that she left her Range Rover in the lot and called her mom Tina for a lift home.
Did I mention that CaCee Cobb reportedly threw up under the table? Always a classy touch.
That same night, Us Weekly also reports, Jessica's ex-beau Tony Romo partied solo in Chicago and was overheard telling friends he was single again. Across the country, Mayer and Aniston (now officially Maniston) were holding hands and kissing at the "Marley and Me" cast party in Miami.
Jess, honey, we feel your pain.
Photo: John Mayer and a non-blond Jessica Simpson. WireImage
In a "Today Show" interview with Angelina Jolie in Cannes to promote their new film, "Kung Fu Panda," her co-star Jack Black said, "You're gonna have as many as 'The Brady Bunch' when you have these."
These?
Then asked by interviewer Natalie Morales whether she's carrying twins, Jolie said, "Yeah, yeah, we've confirmed that already. Well, Jack's just confirmed it actually."
This will make No. 5 and No. 6 for the Jolie-Pitt brood. There are Maddox, 6, Pax, 4, Zahara, 3, and Shiloh, turning 2 this month.
No word on the gender ("We'd like to keep that private," said Jolie), but the rumor is twin girls.
We'll all get a closer look at them when (and if) Jolie walks the red carpet for "Panda" and her other Cannes film, "Changeling." But I'd say if she can handle riding on this giant inflatable shark (photo above) with Jack Black and Will Smith for a Cannes press photo op today, she'll be a-OK for a carpet stroll. Is there anything this woman can't do?
Here's a photo of Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen's home in St-Jean-Cap-Ferrat on the French Riviera, where the Pitts are hanging out until their own chateau is rennovated. Pas mal, non?
Cate Blanchett gave birth to her third son on April 13 in Sydney, Australia.
One month later, she's already back to being svelte and glamorous on the red carpet for the 2008 Cannes Film Festival's opening night film, "Blindness," wearing an ethereal pale peach chiffon pleated one-shouldered Armani Prive gown.
Okay, how does she do it? And where can we buy it?
The actress will be forgiven for skipping tonight's hot ticket "Blindness" post-bash at the Carlton Beach, where the film's star, Julianne Moore. will be holding court.
Hopefull by party time, the red-haired actress will have managed to shake loose the crazed crows seen roosting on her Christian LaCroix couture gown. Pesky critters, French Riviera crows. And fearless!
But Cate will certainly be called back on the carpet for the world premiere of "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull," on May 18, with Harrison Ford and Steven Spielberg.
To see more of the Cannes couture show, click HERE
The mad cap couture show has only just begun. Top international design houses and accessory companies such as Roberto Cavalli, Giorgio Armani, Swarovski, Chopard, Bottega Veneta, Balenciaga, Jimmy Choo, Dolce & Gabbana, and Fendi are already installed in various suites in luxury hotels along the Croisette. All the suites are chock full of glam gear to keep all the actresses suitably attired for the tres formal events going on for two weeks.
Hot steamy party poop scoop: Fendi is hosting the after-party for the ever-glittering amFar gala on May 23. And Margherita Missoni will headline the Quintessentially (an international private members' club) party aboard the mega-yacht Pegasus on May 16.
And I hear through the grapevine that Victoria Hart, the singing waitress plucked from obscurity by George Clooney to sing at his Darfur Now fundraiser last year, will sing at the Quintesstially fete while limited edition bracelets by Greek jeweller Ileana Makri are sold to raise funds for OrphanAid Africa.
These wealthy Cannes-doers sure know how to mix charity with party pleasure.
Tori Spelling and her 13-month-old son, Liam, will be the first mother-and-child models in Skechers new ad campaign called "Nothing Compares to Family."
She joins past Sktchers celebs, such as Ashlee Simpson, Carrie Underwood, Christina Aguilera and Britney Spears.
Skechers plans to rotate a variety of famous families throughout the campaign, featuring mothers and small children and adult celebrities with their sisters, brothers, parents and grandparents.
Wow. This is rife with celebrity family drama possibilities. Off the top of my head, I'd suggest Alec Baldwin and his daughter, Ireland, talking on the cell phone. David Hasselhoff and his daughter, Hayley, filming him with her camcorder.
And the expanding Spears family would make a great ad! Say what you will, but if there was ever a family who's really pulled together this year, it's the Spears clan. Momma Lynne Spears helping her preggers teenage daughter, Jamie Lynn, prepare for the birth of her first out-of-wedlock baby. Daddy Jamie Spears helping straighten out the life (and finances) of his troubled older daughter, Britney, who seems to have made quite a comeback, thanks to Pop. I'd give the Spears family a call, Skechers ad peeps. You've already got their number, right?
Each Sketchers ad will be tagged with a family-related charity of the celebrity’s choice, such as the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation International or Habitat for Humanity, which builds homes for families.
Hunky Irish actor Colin Farrell, 32, was photographed recently in Spain looking like death warmed over. His emaciated frame and hollow, sunken cheeks are startling to say the least. Click HERE! to see.
Perhaps the severe weight loss is for his new film, "Triage," about a photographer in war-torn Bosnia, starring Spanish actress Paz Vega and legendary British actor Christopher Lee. Remember Colin buffed -- and bulked -- up to play Alexander the Great in Oliver Stone's 2004 epic flop.
Let's hope the former hard-partying boy hasn't fallen back into his old ways. He voluntarily checked into a rehab in December 2005. His son was born in 2003 with Angelman Syndrome, a genetic disorder that displays symptoms such as intellectual and development delays, speech impediment, sleep disturbance and seizures.
That's enough to sober anyone up. On fatherhood, Colin has admitted: "I think it only changes you if you want it to change you. It didn't change me for about two years until I curbed a certain way I was living."
Fingers crossed he's still curbing. That little boy needs his daddy.
At Monday night's world premiere of "Sex and the City: the Movie," Sarah Jessica Parker warned the lucky London audience not to spoil the movie for everyone else. "You can brag, but you can't blog," she chirped.
But not everyone listened, especially a British actress named Jo Good.
Except for the final three minutes surprise, thank God. Although, with all the other info she leaks, I think I can pretty much guess that shockeroo (not) ending.
Thanks a thong load, Daily Mail!
Now comes word, again from the intrepid Mail, that the longtime feud between Kim Cattrall and Sarah Jessica Parker heated up in London with the two of them doing their best to avoid each other at the premiere and post party. Mee-ow!
Oh, and then there's a little delish little ditty about Cynthia Nixon taking her girlfriend, Christine Marinoni, to the National Theatre to see "Never So Good" starring Jeremy Irons. It is just me, or does Christine look like Cynthia's young son in this photo?
There's also an item about how much airbrushing was done to Sarah, Cynthia, Kim and Kristin Davis' wrinkles and sags, comparing the film's publicity shots with how they looked in real life at the premiere.
Ouch. Now, that's low! It's not like they're the only actresses who get airbrushed! Even teenage actresses get Photoshopped!
Lesson learned. Those British teabag tabloids make Page Six and TMZ look like kindergarten kids.
If I were SJP, I'd be really sorry about the decision to open "SATC" in scandal-mongering London. All this nasty press -- before the New York premiere at Radio City Music Hall on May 27 -- could have been avoided if she'd only stayed home with her diehard U.S. "Sex" addicts.
Wanna see"Heroes" hottie Ali Larter'sfiancé, Hayes MacArthur, bash her in the head with a club and have sex with her?
OK, it's only implied sex, but the clubbing is a go. Plus, Larter wears nothing but little bits of fur, sticks and bones. And hair extensions.
Then you'll enjoy "Homo Erectus," writer/director Adam Rifkin's hilarious new National Lampoon comedy about Ishbo, a confused, insecure, philosophical Jewish cave nebbish who thinks there must be more to prehistoric life than throwing spears, hunting dinosaurs and clubbing women.
Larter actually met her fiance on the "Erectus" set, so clearly all that clubbing paid off. MacArthur has had some small film and TV roles (a doorman in "Curb Your Enthusiasm," Curt "Ironman" Irons in "How I Met Your Mother").
In "Erectus," he plays Thudnik, the jock brother of Ishbo (Rifkin) who's secretly in love with Fardart (Larter). Naturally, Fardart has the hots for Ishbo's hunky but dumb brother. Ah, the eternal triangle.
Rifkin has captured the self-obsessed neurosis, romantic longing, universal questioning, comedic pratfalls and deadpan delivery of a young Woody Allen ("Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex," "Sleeper").
If "Homo Erectus" feels inspired by Allen's schtick, it's not without the maestro's blessing. The two writer/directors have met, and there was talk of having Allen do a cameo as a caveman who literally hands Ishbo (Adam) "the torch." It didn't happen due to scheduling, but it would have been an appropriate touch.
The film, due out nationally June 13, also stars David Carradine, Talia Shire, Ron Jeremy, Carol Alt, Tom Arnold as the first gay caveman and the usually incomprehensible Gary Busey as the be-feathered, out-there leader of a neighboring warrior tribe, who has a fatal flaw. I can say no more. Watch the trailer.
Photos: Hayes MacArthur and fiance, Ali Larter. WireImage Photos: Ali Larter as Fardart in "Homo Erectus" National Lampoon
At last night's "Sex and the City: The Movie" London premiere, director/writer Michael Patrick King welcomed everyone and introduced the stars, Sarah Jessica Parker, Kristin Davis, Kim Cattrall, Cynthia Nixon and Mario Cantone, who plays Charlotte's gay pal in the film. Parker spoke, thanking everyone and said how much she loved London and was sooo excited to be there.
Afterward, the enthusiastic audience (700 to 1,000 of the premiere guests) headed to the post party at the Old Billingsgate, a prestigious party space in the city's heart, right on the Thames, overlooking London Bridge.
Far from a posh affair, the party was surprisingly decadent.
There were half-naked acrobats and gyrating dancers, the Sugababes (think Spice Girls) performed. Party Décor included the prerequisite disco glitter balls, candles, sparklers, pink neon lights and chandeliers.
Did I mention the mock Chippendale guys? They were there to greet the guests outside and inside. Still, one can't help but get the impression that British beefcake isn't quite up to USDA standards.
Where's the six-pack on that chap to the right of Kristin Davis (see photo above)? He looks like he just took a break from studying at Oxford, not toning up his abs at the local London gymnasium. Hit the weights, not the books, young man!
There were also New York and fashion-themed food boutiques, such as Little Italy, a Fusion Bar, the Catwalk Bar and Grill, the Bling Bling miniature dessert bar serving up donuts, cookies and ice cream. On the drinks menu: the Carrie Cosmopolitan, Samantha Seduction, Charlotte Sweet Pineapple Martini, Miranda Raspberry Bramble and the Mr. Big Dark and Stormy.
It was impossible to find the film's stars, who were cordoned off in the VIP area, aka, the celebrity petting zoo. We did bump into Mario Cantone, who bubbled about the movie, "This is crazy, like nothing I've ever seen. The fashion was incredible! I think there's more to come. I'd say there will definitely be another movie!"
From your lips to the box office gods!
BTW, guests told me that there's no downer moment in the film. In other words, absolutely no need to wear funereal black, no matter what the rumors are. And that's all I'm gonna say.
Boy, that'll teach her to open "Sex and the City: The Movie" in London instead of New York. Buncha tweedy tea-sipping ingrates, I say. The New York press would have never written anything that nasty.
Besides which, there's absolutely nothing wrong with her hands. She's 43, guys. It happens. Deal.
Now, let's talk about that dodgy British chapeau, shall we?
After it was reported that "Sex and the City: The Movie" would premiere in London, not at the Cannes International Film Festival, many fashion fans felt this year's fest would be a sleepy-style affair.
The newly glammed-up Gwyneth Paltrow will attend for her film "Two Lovers." We expect some edgy couture, given her recent red carpets for "Iron Man." And Madonna's showing up at the annual star-studded AmfAR fundraiser, where she'll also perform. The night before, she'll walk the red carpet (in Givenchy or D&G?) at the screening of her documentary about AIDS orphans in Malawi, "I Am Because We Are."
Sharon Stone's coming to do her annual devious diva auction duty for AMfar. The woman is an unstoppable couture machine. Perhaps she'll don her pal Roberto Cavalli or Versace or whatever strikes her fancy. Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz will add sizzle at the premiere of the Woody Allen film, "Vicky Christina Barcelona," an erotic thriller that involves some girl-on-girl action and a hotly anticipated three-way with Javier Bardem. Or as the French would put it, a ménage a trois.
Mischa Barton will be at the fest during the first week with her film "You and I." She could do Missoni, like she did for the Costume Institute ball in New York this week. Whatever. Let's just pray she stays in her clothes, out of a bikini, off the beach and away from prying paps. We don't need to see more of her thighs. Please.
Angelina Jolie will have two films at the fest: the animated "Kung Fu Panda," and "Changeling," directed by Clint Eastwood. If she's not busy giving birth to one (or two) babies, that is. Because birth is imminent, major couture probably will not be possible, but with Angie, you just never know! If she does come, it's likely that Brad Pitt will attend. Dude's not going to let a seven months' pregnant woman waddle the red carpet alone!
Cate Blanchett will be there for Steven Spielberg's "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull," and she'll probably be ready to don some serious couture (Armani, maybe) after the birth of her third child last month. This gal does not waste time. She had her hair colored a few hours before she left for the hospital to have her baby induced. I'm just saying.
And of course, there will also be the usual array of Euro-beauties and bored supermodels like Naomi Campbell and Claudia Schiffer, just dying to be shouted at by the paparazzi, because really, what else do they have to do?
As for parties and fashion events, there's a Vanity Fair party, a Sean Penn party, a Dolce & Gabbana bash, an Alberta Ferretti party (probably on her 1950s style yacht), the big AmfAR AIDS fundraiser-dinner, the Palme D'Or ceremony, a Chopard fete, studio bashes (Paramount, MGM and Universal), agency parties from CAA, Endeavor, ICM and William Morris, and scads of private VIP cast and filmmaker-only fetes going on around the port town, at the Hotel Du Cap, at the Martinez and on various high rollers' mega-yachts, like Paul Allen's the Octopus.
Imagine finding out that your ex-boyfriend, the really smart, funny, cute musician who broke your heart, the guy you stupidly dyed your trademark blonde hair brown for, is shacked up at a Miami hotel with his new love, a beautiful, funny, famous (and natural brunette!) TV star.
