Paul V. Coates – Confidential File, April 23, 1960
April 23, 2010 | 1:25 pm
Wow! Now there’s an ugly layout, even for 1960.
Mash Notes and Comment
(Press Release) "An actor, by name TV star Don Porter, decided he needed a publicist and dropped in to see me regarding same.
" 'I need publicity,' said Don. 'What kind can you give me?'
"Waiting a moment to extract my pipe, I replied, 'I've got two kinds, Don. Notoriety and piety. Which one do you want?' " (signed) Aleon Bennett, Public Relations, 8272 Sunset Blvd., Hollywood.
--Come on, Aleon, you could have said that with your pipe in your mouth.
(Press Release) "One of the world's most lighthearted museums opened recently in Munich's 600-year-old Isar Gate.
"Dedicated to the memory of Karl Valentin, the Valentin Volkssaenger Museum displays sketches and songs of a beloved Munich humorist.
"Valentin's wit combined the philosophical and the absurd in an amusing and provocative style.
"All nonsense material qualifies for the museum's collection if it exemplifies Valentin's characteristic paradoxes.
"Typical of the exhibits is a model of Vesuvius erupting, with a sign 'Smoking Prohibited.' Admission to the museum is 51 Pfennigs, although no such coin exists." (signed) German Tourist Information Office, 500 Fifth Ave., New York City.
--How about that! And I always thought the Germans had no sense of humor.
(Press Release) "Misses Bardot, Reynolds and Rheingold have suffered a good swift kick from Simone Signoret, the French film star catapulted to American fame as a result of her mature love making in 'Room at the Top.'
"Signoret and 'older' sex symbols are evaluated in the May issue of Esquire magazine.
"The French actress is considered the type of female Americans are not used to seeing as a sex symbol: a woman in her late thirties, not especially pretty, with no pretense at glamour or youth, neither virtuous nor domesticated.
"The American idea of love is termed a myth in Esquire's article. 'In America . . . love is a teenage girl who marries the teenage boy next door and buys patterned silverware. Love is white teeth, narrow hips, dance tunes and a honeymoon.' " (signed) Esquire magazine, 488 Madison Ave., New York City.
--But after the honeymoon, Sacre Bleu!
(Press Release) " 'Fat' Jack Leonard recently shed about one-third of his 350 pounds. The so-called master of the insult did not lose any of his acid wit, however. He's still in the ring slugging away, leaving little room for anyone else.
"His waistline, wife, friends and enemies are currently being discussed in Esquire magazine's May issue. Referring to the infamous comedian's comedian, the article is aptly titled: 'The First Angry Man.'
"A brief survey of some of his more famous one-liners seems to support this reference. Leonard on the art of comedy for instance: 'A laugh means no more to a comic than his right arm -- or his wife.
"Jack E. Leonard is one archer who can always find some target. Speaking at an affair attended by FBI chief J. Edgar Hoover, Leonard said reverently, 'I want to congratulate Mr. Hoover for taking crime out of Chicago and bringing it to New York.'
"Still, he is not afraid to use himself as object of his barbs. Prior to his painstaking diet, he referred to himself as a comedy team who sent his shirts to the laundry and got charged for sheets.
"Many of his more famous remarks have become public property, thanks to thieving rivals." (signed) Esquire magazine, New York City.
--Like Joe Miller?