Matt Weinstock, April 8, 1960
April 8, 2010 | 3:58 pm
“And When You Go Up to the Front Desk, the Librarian Looks at You With Her Great Big Eyes, and She….”
The Fourth at State
A crew of painters has been working on the sixth floor of the Hall of Justice, where the district attorney's offices are located. One painter was slapping his brush just outside the DA's press-room, which has no designating sign on the door and has clear glass panels through which persons in the hall can see in.
After working there awhile he asked a passing deputy DA, "What do those guys do in there? They're always on the phone." He paused, looked around, saw the coast was clear, then said confidentially, "I heard there was a bookmaking going on in the Hall of Justice, and I wondered if a fellow could place a bet in there?"
The deputy DA, recalling a man had been arrested a week before as a bookie suspect on the seventh floor, assured the painter they were only reporters phoning in their stories.
A WEST HOLLYWOODIAN named Bill has experienced his all-time height of coincidence.
He was awakened at 1:45 a.m. Tuesday by what he was certain was the final whine of an air-raid siren. He promptly turned on the radio to find out what was going on. He expected to hear it was a Conelrad test, hardly the real thing.
As the radio warmed, a voice came on and said, "A flight of them were detected coming over the North Pole." Bill, a pilot during WW 2, figured this was it, here we go again. He wondered whether it would do any good to head for the hills. Then the voice continued, "When the flight was first detected, an alert was sounded in Alaska, but later it was determined that it was a flight of birds so dense it had been observed on radar." And so back to bed.
He who drinks and drives
like a racer,
Is certain to have a cop
for a chaser.
A PROPERLY qualified young man who had best be identified only by his first name, Robert, rang the doorbell of the house in the Wilshire section and when a woman responded he said, "Good evening, ma'am, I'm the census taker." She said curtly, "I'm sorry, we can't be disturbed now -- we're watching television." However, her husband came to the rescue and gave the needed information. But suppose it had been a real TV gripper, one they couldn't tear themselves away from?
A LADY census taker combing the canyons north of the Claremont-La Verne area was shocked, but managed to conceal it, when a rather seamy gal in a cabin unabashedly gave her occupation as "Lover."
FINALLY there was the lady on the telephone who said she was getting an inferiority complex. She was not included in the 1950 census which made that total one shy, she said, but so far she had not been visited at her home near the Sunset Strip by a current enumerator.
"All I want," she said plaintively, "is to be included among people."
WHILE STROLLING on W 7th St., V.F. Bedwell, Community Chest controller, saw a couple staring wide-eyed at a store window containing a naked and dismembered manikin. On a pixie impulse, he said solemnly, "That must have been a terrible accident!" The couple glared blankly at him and as he walked away he heard the man whisper, "I keep telling you -- the people in this town are nuts!"
PROOFREADER Frank Martinez was enchanted by the double entendre in White Sox manager Al Lopez's statement that Roy Sievers "will be a great insurance policy for us. He can spell Ted Kluszewski." At first base, he meant.
AT RANDOM -- Correction. The ides of April fall on the 13th, not the 15th, as in March, Mrs. Robert Gallic says. But the 15th is still income tax day . . . Les Wagner argues that the ad boys lacked imagination in stating certain soft drinks come in bottles "bigger than king size." Les thinks the "bigger than" size should be kong size . . . Dr. William L. Toothaker is a dentist in Pomona.