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Matt Weinstock, April 28, 1960

April 28, 2010 |  3:33 pm

April 28, 1960, Comics
“We Failed Miserably!”

Time for a Final Note of Appreciation


Matt Weinstock

    How's your humility today?  Well, suppose we share mine.

     I am haunted by a note from a longtime reader, particularly the last sentence:  "I have cancer and it will only be a matter of weeks now and I thought that I should tell you that you have made the years a bit more pleasant for me."

    I don't mean to spoil anyone's day with somber thoughts but here is a cheerful man, awaiting the big adventure, taking a moment of his allotted time to be gracious as he sets his house in order.  Vaya con dios, H.C.A.
    LIFE CAN ALSO be frustrating for bail bondsmen, those liberators of people in jams, who most persons think have "got it made."

April 28, 1960, Abby

    Bond for a defendant in federal court was set at 410,000.  His family came to bondsman Marvin Byron seeking his release.  Byron found, however, that the property available as collateral had a value of only $5,000.  So he suggested the defendant's attorney appeal to the judge to lower the bond.  The judge did, not to $5,000 but surprisingly to $2,000.  And the family put up the money in cash, depriving Byron of his 10% premium.
    A CUSTOMER TOOK on an overload of excitement juice in Bob Reuben's Pen and Quill restaurant and, as the man was about to leave, Bob pocketed his car keys and said in his best avuncular tone that he'd call a cab for him.
    Swaying but struggling to retain his dignity, the fellow protested, "Can't you see I'm too drunk to drive a cab?"
                        SMASH HIT
The feature I like best about the latest platter --
That it, like all the rest, eventually will shatter.
                                --EDITH OGUTSCH
    IT'S NOT UNUSUAL for the head of a large business organization to talk by telephone simultaneously to his branch managers in half a dozen or more cities throughout the country.  He simply instructs his secretary to set up the call with the phone company, say for 10 a.m. the next day.  The phone company does the rest through its long-distance operators.
    A medical version of the conference call, as it is known, occurred recently here for the first time.  A patient in an L.A. hospital talked on the same line with his physician, Dr. Max Igloe, who was at home, and with his two sons, one in New York, the other in Philadelphia.  As a result of the four-way consultation, a decision was reached and the operation was a success.
    LET US CALMLY appraise a paragraph in the Insider's Newsletter:  "At a recent symposium on trends in the detergent industry, spokesmen noted that better detergents are needed to clean up such problems as oversudsing and failure of present detergents to dissolve in sewage systems.  One industry expert suggested a simple answer to these complex problems:  a return to soap."
    Gives a person the feeling maybe civilization isn't cracking up after all.
    AS SEQUELS to last week's "almost" headline, "Rhee Bulked," Leon Luk offers, "Rhee Lents," "Rhee Vises cabinet," and at last, "Rhee Zines."  Furthermore, it appears he's going to be missed by the word jugglers.
    MISCELLANY -- A man with a furtive look rushed up to the counter in a company eatery, looked nervously at the clock and whispered, "Give me bacon, eggs, hash browns, toast -- and pretend this is a coffee break!" . . . Frank Goss of KNX had the line, "Beverly Aadland, persistently referred to as Errol Flynn's protege."  Credit it to news writer Pat O'Reilly . . . M. Miyamoto's cover on Westward, Kaiser Steel publication, shows a confidently smiling, brown-robed priest at a makeshift home plate tapping the earth off the bottom of his sandal with his bat, like the pros do, as two boys watch admiringly.  Very nice . . . No truth to the rumor that in line with current cutbacks and layoffs in the aircraft and missile industry, management has notified Ike that as of Nov. 4 he'll be on "open transfer."