Matt Weinstock, April 20, 1960
April 20, 2010 | 4:10 pm
Plane Bomb Jokers
Persons who go airplane riding had better get used to the idea that authorities don't think wisecracks about bombs are funny. A story from Chicago a few days ago stated that nine persons have been grabbed by FBI agents there this month for saying, in jest, that they had bombs in their bags. One is under sentence of a year in jail and a $1,000 fine, the maximum penalty. Another paid a $100 fine, another $50. The charge is making a false bomb report concerning a public carrier in intestate commerce.
When such bomb reports are made flights are delayed while baggage is taken off and inspected. If the plane is in the air the pilot is instructed to land at the nearest airport while a search is made. Airlines estimate the cost of this delay at $850 an hour.
A Long Beach youth named Brian is wiser as a result of an incident a few days ago at San Francisco's airport. He was departing from home and a schoolmate was heading from Boise. As the Boise boy checked in his stuff he told the clerk he would carry his briefcase.
"Yeah," a buddy, helping him with his luggage, remarked, "that's where the bomb is."
Suddenly life became grim. The Boise boy was bounced off the flight and other passengers had to wait 40 minutes while baggage was inspected. He was permitted to phone his parents but had to stay overnight until he was cleared and take another plane the following day. It is assumed his buddy is no longer his buddy.
ON PAGE 3 of the state income tax form, under Deductions for Exemptions, Head of Household, Paragraph 3 states, "If the taxpayer died during his taxable year, he will not be deprived of the Head of the Household exemption solely by reason of his death."
In the mail came a letter calling attention to this paragraph. The return address is, "Grave 2, Plot 41, Forest Lawn." The message, "Boy am I happy!"
The muu-muu is the latest
For gals 13 to old age.
It's worn for seaside
And looks just like a
--JOSEPH P. KRENGEL
EVEN THE Chinese fortune cakes seem to have been swept up by the surge toward conformity. A lady named Ruth, dining in Chinatown, opened her rice cookie and instead of finding some such innocuous pleasantry as "Fame and riches will be yours" was advised soberly, "Don't be taken in by someone's apparently liberal ideas."
ONLY SIX California towns are listed in Armond and Winifred Moyer's book. "The Origins of Unusual Places Names" : Azusa, Hayfork, Hobo Hot Springs, Needles, Ono and Paradise. Of course, there's still plenty of daffiness elsewhere: Hot Coffee, Miss.; Tight-wad, Mo.; Peculiar, Mo.; Cuckoo, Va.; Chilly, Ida.; Frozen, W.Va.; Dusty, N.M.; Dull Center, Wyo.; and Stinking Quarter, N.C. But you'd think Cucamonga would have made it.
A LADY census enumerator rang an apartment bell in a northeast suburb and although she heard noises inside no one came to the door. As she waited she got the feeling she was being watched. She looked up and saw someone staring at her through a peephole in the door. Inquiry in the neighborhood revealed it was one of those places inhabited by naughty ladies. So it looks we're going to get a short count.
AROUND TOWN -- Testimonial dinners are a dime a dozen but the Catholic Labor Institute of East L.A. is giving an exceptional one May 1 for Mr. and Mrs. Alberto Suarez. They've instructed more than 1,000 Mexican immigrants in citizenship, enabling them to pass their exams and become voters . . . A surf fisherman at Palos Verdes who was having no luck used his pole, reel and line to fly a kite. The kids thought he was wonderful . . . The western cliche that gets Mrs. C. Smith, of Gardena, is the one in which the wounded husband says, "Don't cry, dear, I'm going to be all right"- and then dies.