Matt Weinstock, April 19, 1960
A Lounge Lizard
A flagrant instance of heresy, one that cannot be unchallenged, occurred during the recent Sportsmen's Show. This is an attempt to erase it, lest such a mammoth slur cast a shadow on outdoor living in this glorious paradise dedicated to same.
People who visited a certain booth were given the opportunity to enter a contest for a 14-foot boat worth around $750. They filled out entry blanks, dropped them in a box, kept the tabs with duplicate numbers.
The drawing was held and the winner announced. The sponsors had trouble locating him but finally did and broke the wonderful news. At first the winner was merely half-hearted, then something unpleasant seemed to occur to him and he said he didn't want the darn thing.
The sponsor was astounded. What did he mean he didn't want it? Everybody wanted a boat. Did he realize what he was saying? The boat was his, free. He didn't care, he didn't want it. He said it very emphatically.
Upshot was that he had to take it, to comply with legal requirements, even if he gave it away immediately, which he did.
The sponsors are still shaken by his reaction. Only thing they can figure is that he once had a boat.
IT IS 15 years later but doubtless on some isolated bypassed islands of the Pacific there are still fugitive Japanese, living primitively in caves, eating native vegetation, carrying on for Tojo in the belief WW II is still in progress.
This is to notify them the war is positively over. Come out, brave soldiers, you don't need to hide anymore. And the reason for this belated communique? John Cornel has finally worn out his last pair of Navy issue black, plain toed shoes and bought his first civilian pair since hostilities ended.
ASK ANY PARENT
Kids of today have get-up-and-go,
Especially mine in the picture show.
ONLY IN L.A. -- A shabby fellow whose face bore the marks of excessive drinking presented a veteran's check which he wanted cashed at a downtown handy payment window. As the cashier studied it the wino said, "Wait a minute, I've got my serial number here." He fumbled in his coat pocket and looked vainly through a batch of identification cards. Suddenly inspired, he took out his denture and said triumphantly, "Here it is, stamped on the back of this." The cashier, shuddering, cashed the check.
TOMORROW is the Wilshire Optimists Club's annual Secretary's Day and program chairman Lee Smith has set these rules:
1. No wives are allowed to attend this big deal. No, not your wife. Not his wife. Certainly not my wife.
2. Members must bring a secretary or a reasonable facsimile. (No unreasonable facsimiles should be invited except in cases of extreme urgency.)
3. Members will refrain from pirating secretaries from offices of fellow members. However, members with a surplus of secretaries will offer such surplus to members who are without.
AROUND TOWN -- A St. Vincent de Paul salvage truck held up traffic at Wilshire Blvd. and Barrington Ave. in West L.A. while the driver's helper got out and escorted a blind man across the street . . . Joe Du Plain of La Canada Valley Sun reports that at a recent school district meeting some newcomers to the community pronounced it La Ka-nah-da instead of La Kan-yah-da. He ought to hear what Beverly Hills residents do to Canon Dr. . . . The Lincoln High School Railsplitter, reporting a student picnic in Griffith Park, stated, "Everybody had a good time and there were no fatalities." Dot's nice . . . A lady census enumerator rang the bell of a suburban apartment but got no response and asked the manager about the tenant. "He's a nudist -- he won't come out," the manager said. "I've been trying to get him out of there for months!"