Mash Notes and Comment
(Press Release) "John Mason Brown is a conversationalist critic whose verbal outpourings since birth have never ceased to be witty and original, as well as readily and steadily forthcoming . . . " (Signed) Esquire Magazine, New York city.
--Like the day he was born he had them in stitches when he turned to the nurse and said, "Hurry up with that umbilical cord, Honey. I want to contemplate my navel."
(Press Release) "Reinhold Schmidt, the Bakersfield grain buyer who reports he recently flew to the Great Pyramid of Gizeh, Egypt, in a space craft from the planet Saturn, will be in Los Angeles Thursday night March 24, to tell the public about his experiences in a lecture sponsored by the Amalgamated Flying Saucer Clubs of America.
"The widely known speaker, who made nationwide news with his first extra-terrestrial contact near Kearney, Neb., in November of 1957, will speak at 8 p.m., in Severance Hall, 940 S Figueroa St.
"The public is invited. Admission is $1.
"While on the unusual 2 1/2 day trip, Schmidt said he was permitted to view an ancient space craft that has been secretly buried under the Great Pyramid for nearly 2,000 years.
"He and six Saturnian friends also flew over Siberia to view an area devastated by a recent hush-up atomic disaster there, then glided over the North Pole (Scene of an earlier Schmidt educational excursion) and finally hovered over Washington, D.C.
"On the night of Feb. 11, 1960, Schmidt was scheduled to tell about his trip before the Pasadena Unit of Understanding, one of the many hundreds of flying saucer research groups throughout the world.
"Schmidt said that he and his 1958 Buick were left off the Saturnian space craft in the mountains north of Pasadena approximately one hour before lecture time, so that he could keep the engagement.
"Persons who have wondered what has happened to the U.S. and Russian satellites that have disappeared after they were fired into space need wonder no longer, according to Schmidt:
"On Jan. 24, 1960, he said, he and his auto were picked up outside Bakersfield, Cal. in a 200-foot craft and taken up to a 4,000-foot 'carrier' craft, which had no display on his hangar deck about a dozen U.S. and Russian satellites, partially burned up." (Signed) Amalgamated Flying Saucer Clubs of America, 2004 N Hoover St., L.A.
--You'd be burned up, too, if little green men plucked you out of orbit just to hang you in their trophy room.
"I think I have a VERY INTERESTING subject for you.
"My profession is a Certified Grapho Analyst -- that is the art and science of analyzing handwriting.
"This has not only general public appeal, but to many businessmen who use it today. This is a science -- not to be confused with Graphology . . .
"So many people could be helped through this science . . . It will reveal traits of character that cause many people to lose jobs, and can not hold a marriage together . . .
"I will be glad to give you a free analysis, Paul . . . Send me a sample of your handwriting -- a whole page if possible! The more the better. I guarantee it will be at least 98% accurate.
"And I won't try to flatter you, but help you where you NEED HELP.
"No one is perfect. Right?" (Signed) Richard F. Fisher, 1231 W 4th St., L.A.
--If you're going to start tearing me down already, skip it.