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Matt Weinstock, March 30, 1960





The Ditched Duck


Matt Weinstock     Easter is nigh and again doting parents will buy livestock for their children.  Let them take heed.

    Last Easter a man named Norm, who lives in Palos Verdes, bought his son, 4, a duck.  The older it grew the meaner it became.

    Recently Norm bought the boy a puppy.  The duck disapproved and constantly nipped both the boy and the dog.  Norm decided it had to go and one day he took it to MacWestlake Park and turned it loose.

    The duck quacked its objection and when Norm, who works nearby, started to walk away it followed him.  It seemed to be saying, "Don't leave me here with all these strange ducks."  He led it back toward the lake and swept it into the water with his foot.  As he sneaked away he couldn't help noticing it had a hurt, reproachful look.
 

   




 
    Feeling  a little guilty, Norm returned the next day to see how it was doing.  The duck spotted him and came over, quacking joyfully.  Again he kicked it into the water and departed.

    Norm, really a considerate fellow, has returned to the park several times in recent weeks and he feels that at last the duck has made, as he puts it, an adjustment.

::

    SPLIT ANY good hairs lately?  A press release from Costa Rica aimed at potential tourists describes the place as "this romantic little land of genuine free enterprise;  where individual independence, personal liberty, and an over-all freedom are a manner of living rather than a so-called way of life."  Huh?
 
::
 
    COUNT DOWN
When the census taker calls,
Don't take it on the lam.
Consider it a blessing
That you count with
    Uncle Sam.
            ED BOUMA
 
::
 
    IN THE EVENT you hadn't heard, the trading stamp frenzy has hit the post office, too, presenting quite  a quandary.  The question was, what should be done with the trading stamps received for government purchases, say gas and oil.
 
    Well, the matter is fully covered in Decision B-128096 and Circular No. 190, as reported in Postal Bulletin 20185.  Postmasters are instructed to accumulate trading stamps, put them in envelopes and seal them.  But they're not to make an entry in the cashbook, oh no.  Concluding sentence: "Regional controller will maintain only custodial accountability over sealed envelopes containing stamps until a government wide procedure on redeeming trading stamps is issued."
 
    Watch for the next issue of Postal Bulletin for another chapter in this thrilling drama entitled Custodial Accountability.
 
::
 
    A YOUNG LADY on the verge of 14 submitted to her parents the following list of birthday gifts she would consider acceptable:

    "A new transistor radio.  Shoes.  My room done over in the class colors.  A certain boy.  A yellow or blue T-bird.  A trip to Hawaii.  A two-inch belt in black and white.  Subscriptions to about four magazines.  P.S. If I can't have the car I'll take a horse."
 
    P.P.S. She received the two-inch black and white belt.
 
::
 
    NO TRUTH TO the rumor that Emroy Newbern, 38, who had the "common drunk" law ruled invalid (although he has 138 drunk arrests on his record) received an offer from a distillery but rejected it on the grounds of insufficient proof.
 
::
 
    AT RANDOM -- To the question "Who was John James Audubon?" on a social studies test, Gary Showalter, 13, wrote "Bird watcher," which the famous ornithologist probably would have liked . . . Speaking of which, Diane Schofield, editor of Fin Fun, publication of the Lockheed employees aquarium society, thinks it's time the world realizes there are a lot of fish watchers, too.
   

 
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