Matt Weinstock, March 2, 1960
March 2, 2010 | 4:00 pm
Pity the Candidate
Now it's time for all good men to come to the aid of the poor, frustrated candidates, trying to hack out a platform that will please almost everyone, offend hardly anyone.
It can't be done, of course. Never in history have people been so sensitive. To make matters worse, they never had such power of retaliation.
It used to be safe to come out flatly for, say, Christmas. No more. People are still angrily paying their bills on last yuletide's excesses.
It's even controversial to come out for motherhood, a traditional bulwark of political oratory. It seems we're caught in a nasty population explosion and sociologists and other people contemplating an overcrowded planet are rather against it.
YOU'D THINK pounding the table against traffic accidents on freeways would be okay. But hark. What about the tow truck and repair people? They vote, too.
| And offhand you'd say everyone is in favor of exterminating gophers. Nope. A few days ago a man killed one with a rifle but the bullet ricocheted and struck a little girl.|
Despite all this, candidates have a few things left for their harangues. I'm sure it can be safely stated that everyone stands unequivocally for more meat and less lettuce in tacos, white lines on streets, the view of Catalina on a clear day and, generally speaking, luxury.
On the other hand, everyone is certainly against earthquakes, floods, volcanoes, ill winds, women who press avocados in supermarkets, race track touts, devil grass, offensive TV commercials and, if the truth is known, intelligence-insulting political candidates.
Always glad to lend a helping hand.
IT WAS RAINING as a Cheviot Hills woman set out on the assigned route in her neighborhood Sunday to ask for the contributions for the heart fund. Not only that, she wasn't feeling well, the aftermath of an illness. She felt even worse after some householders greeted her resentfully and slammed doors in her face. It was with great restraint that she refrained from reminding them that she was a volunteer worker, receiving nothing for her effort.
Thus, she felt week and depressed when she finished her rounds and headed for the home of the supervisor to turn in the money. Her mood quickly changed, her self-pity disappeared. The supervisor, a gracious, cheerful woman, was in an iron ling.
MOST MEN WHO served in the armed forces are reluctant to talk about their experiences. They want to forgive and forget and become evasive when pinned down. In an impromptu discussion with a friend, George Sheeran, bon vivant of Hill St. cafe society, disposed of his military career in a hurry with, "I got shot at and missed."
EACH OF the paintings at the Spanish Masters Art Exhibit at UCLA has a card with the artist's name and birthday. In the case of Pablo Picasso, who has about 20 works on display, the year is 1881.
Two elderly women were looking at them, one after another, and Stanley Rubin, standing nearby, heard one remark excitedly, "Isn't it absolutely amazing how many paintings Picasso dashed off in 1881!"
A lily pad is a contour chair
To a happy singing frog,
But it is a green umbrella
To a wiggly polliwog.
AROUND THE TOWN -- It has happened before and it happened again in a Hollywood hotel lobby. A man at a phone asked Tom Lempertz, "What's information?" Tom said, "Dial 113." So the man dialed DL 113 and came out fighting . . . A customer asked restaurateur Rudy Cleye if he had watched the Olympic ski jumping on TV. Rudy, an auto-racing addict, replied, "No, I figured if you had seen one you've seen them all" . . . Lucky that escaped criminal surrendered, Leon Luk observes, or he might have been convicted in Absentia or shot at Random, which can allegedly be pretty horrible.