[Wow! Now there’s an ugly layout. I guess Mr. Modular had the day off – lrh]
Mash Notes and Comment
(PRESS RELEASE) "TV HELP FOR DENTISTS . . . Dentists soon may be using a television camera for inspecting their patients' mouths, declares Electronics,McGraw-Hill publication.
"The camera in a prototype closed-circuit TV system has a lens located at the end of a probing cable and permits a distortion-free, magnified image of any part of a patient's mouth." (signed) McGraw-Hill Pub. Co., N.Y.
-Look, Doc! There behind the left lower bicuspid. Isn't that John Gunther?
"I had to appear on Don Sherwood's TV show. Lana Turner's double from a new picture was on the same show with me.
"I got 20 bucks and my gas.
Paul, my wife kicked me out again last night. I've had it with her.
"So I went over to my old girl friend's house to sleep on her couch. She wasn't home and I got hungry while I was trying to fall asleep.
"So I went to her ice box and got a can of tuna out of it and I made myself a sandwich. Paul, it tasted kind of funny.
"I took another look at the label on the tuna can: I thought it was tuna. But it was cat food I had ate.
"I did not feel too good thinking about it, but I did not get sick. I just laid back down on the couch and went to sleep.
"Pretty soon my old girl friend and her new boy friend came in and woke me up. I told them I had ate a cat food sandwich from the ice box. That's what I get for going into other people's ice boxes.
"Paul, that cat food has a funny taste. But it isn't so bad. You could get used to it, if you had to." (Signed) Arnold "Parkey" Sharkey, 2077 Bay Road East, Palo Alto.
--I don't know, Arnold. I'm a pretty finicky eater. Even dog biscuits give me heartburn.
"I have been out here eight years now and have followed you off-on throughout the entire period.
"Frankly I thought that on the program of the early fifties you roughed up Zsa Zsa a little unnecessarily. As I saw it the woman had a beautiful head -- and attachments -- but it was in the natural law and order of thing that her head would be filled with fluff. Kapok, if you will. Why rouse Sleeping Beauties other than with a kiss? I am sorry, but as I saw it Hungarian goulash was not you dish." (Signed) Drew Smith, 23869 Long Valley Rd.,Calabasas, Calif.
--That gives me heartburn, too.
"I've put off writing this letter for a long time, but the time has come to act.
"Why must you forever be messing up your Saturday column with Parkey Sharkey letters? I wonder just how many other faithful readers find his letters such a bore.
"I read such interesting columns all week and find it a dreadful let down on Saturday to find that you've devoted all or most all of your space to this character.
"It's come to a point where I glance over the Saturday column to see which letters are signed 'Parkey Sharkey.' These I won't waste my time on. The others, signed by semi-sensible, semi-sane individuals I read. And your answers are very good.
"If you don't feel like writing a column on Saturday, or you don't get any interesting letters to print, just put a notice in the paper saying you're sick." (Signed) Mrs. Linda Salgren, 219 Common, La Puente.
--I am a little sick. I just read Parkey's latest letter.
[Christianity Today editorializes against a Catholic president. Although the editorial did not mention any candidates, the implication of Sen. John F. Kennedy (D-Mass.) was clear. --lrh]