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Matt Weinstock, Jan. 5, 1960

January 5, 2010 |  4:00 pm



Jan. 5, 1960, Peanuts image

Pity the Plants


Matt Weinstock     All over town it's leotards for the ladies and old but wool-lined army and navy jackets for the men and shocked talk about the icy blasts.

    A girl named Kathy, 14, on the way to school yesterday, said, "I think this is the coldest it has ever been."

    A water hose froze and exploded in a gas station on Vanowen St.

    Sunday the ushers in a west side church disappeared during the service.  They were across the street in a store getting coffee.

    A thin-blooded downtowner heading for a Mexican restaurant said, "This is real enchilada weather, con chili Colorado."

    And pity the poor plants.  They don't know whether they're coming or going.  Only a week ago they were blooming far ahead of schedule because of the unseasonably warm weather.  Yesterday many hardy  specimens, particularly in San Fernando Valley, were blackened by frost.

    It's awful what those people up in Squaw Valley will do for publicity.

::

Jan. 5, 1960, Rod Serling     THAT LEGENDARY little old lady in Pasadena apparently has moved.  Hanson Kellogg saw her put her foot on the running board of a shiny 1929, yes 1929, Chevrolet coupe in a Glendale parking lot and tell another woman, "Yes, we're going to trade it in next year, when my husband retires!"

::

    A LITTLE GIRL named Cheri Helms was taken to the San Diego zoo and one of the first things that excited her was a peacock relaxing its tail.

    "Look daddy," she cried, "living color!"

::

    NOISY TOO
Idle gossip -- that's the
    phrase
That throws me in a tizzy,
For gossips have not idle
    ways.
Indeed, they're very busy.
        --PEARL ROWE


::

    OTHERS, TOO,
presumably are still sorting and rearranging their intentions for 1960.  Yes, intentions.  Resolution is much too strong a word at this stage of the game.  And if this seems sneaky, at least it's realistic.

    I am determined, momentarily at least, to make better use of my time. More reading and writing, less TV.  I'll outwit that cyclops in the living room yet.  It thinks it has me hypnotized and my hands tied behind me but I've been slowly working the ropes loose.  I think I'll make it out of frustration at the next drama or commercial featuring a bratty youngster and his dog.

    That's as far as I've gotten.  Come to think of it, it's quite a ways.

::

    A MAN IN A San Gabriel bar was toasting in the new year when he realized suddenly he'd forgotten to administer his eye drops.  To fellow patrons' astonishment, he performed the operation at the bar, then rejoined the fun.  Next morning he reached in his coat pocket for his eye drop kit and pulled out a shot glass.  Now he vaguely comprehends his comrades' consternation at his self-administered eye treatment.  He also wonders if the bartender served anyone a jigger of eye drops.

::

    TOWARD THE START of a genuinely happy new year Ralph N. Schmidt, writing in the Toastmaster, deplores speakers who begin by greeting almost everyone in the room with some such spiel as "Mr. Chairman, Judge Black, Col. Brown, Rev. White, President Green, distinguished guests from Alpha chapter, distinguished guests from Omega chapter, ladies and gentlemen."  Hurray for Ralph.

::

Jan. 5, 1960, Abby

     AT RANDOM -- Bill Richardson of the S.C. Gas News reports one serviceman left another this special instruction:  "Oven not lit but customer is" . . . There's still hope for the short story.  The Atlantic has a couple of minor classics by J.W. Dickson and Peter Ustinov . . . What happens to old proofreaders?  Leon Clifton is turning in his eye shade at 72 for a lecture tour titled, "Crime Stories I Have Punctuated During 50 Years of Newspaper Editing" . . . Surely, thinks Marvin Press, someone could figure out a Finger Bowl game.
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