Matt Weinstock, Jan. 22, 1960
Inspired Night Crews
The news that a $15 million Bible Storyland comparable to Disneyland will be built in Cucamonga fell with lightning and thunderbolt impact on this paper's night copy desk.
And it came to pass that a wondrous spirit of helpfulness surged through them. And they set to work with pencil and paper devising new ideas for the sponsors of this great spiritual enterprise.
An office spy managed to grab these ideas while the gentlemen of the copy desk were still in a benumbed state and brought them to me. They are sharply divided into two categories -- those which can be printed and those which cannot. Let us try the first, most of which are contained in signs and are self-explanatory:
Methusitol. For That Tired Feeling.
Eat Elijah's Hot Dogs. Flown in Fresh Daily by Contended Ravens.
Bible Storyland Hotel. Rates by the Day, Week or Eternity. Still Waters in Every Room.
Tower of Babel. Se Habla Espanol.
Wrestling: Jacob vs. The Angel.
Thou Shalt Not Walk on the Green Pastures. This Means Thee!
Don't Miss Our Two-Headed Golden Calf!
For Thy Stomach Take a Little Wine. Free Manna.
Leah. Coats of Many Colors.
Best, I thought, was a drawing of a barber pole labeled "Delilah."
AFTER SEVERAL days a kind of despair grips some flu victims. They begin to wonder if they will ever come out of it. This feeling doubtlessly was running through Gloria Stone's aching head the other day when the doorbell rang. She groped her way groggily to the door, where an effusive young man asked if she might be interested in a cemetery plot. His outfit, he said happily, was having a special on them and it was the opportunity of a lifetime.
To Gloria it was like a coup de grace. Her husband and their three children were down with the flu with her and the house had taken on the aspect of a hospital ward.
"I'll take five!" she screamed, and slammed the door.
PERHAPS you too have been pondering the frightening case of the 18-year-old Encino drag racer who committed 66 traffic violations during a 14-mile pursuit by nine police cars during which 95 m.p.h. was reached. Police tabbed him for running uncounted red lights and 14 boulevard stops, unsafe turns, driving on the wrong side of the street and whatnot. It was found also that his license had been revoked three months before for previous citations.
The youth was put away for 60 days to meditate upon his sins but this does not entirely explain the case. But I think I get it. One police car was actually chasing him, the other eight were tabulating his offenses.
THERE'S NO accounting for the whims of the kiddies. Two small boys went into a San Gabriel bank, presented four tarnished pennies and asked that they be exchanged for shiny new ones. The teller had to go to another window to get them. Then the boys dashed to a nearby gum machine and got what they really wanted . . . and guard Weldon Lunsford reports a boy of about 6, apparently hotel and restaurant-reared, rushed up to the live trout in the California Museum of Science and Industry and shouted, "Mother, look! Fillet of sole!"
AT RANDOM - An announcement for a PTA meeting at a Lawndale school stated, "Hear guest speaker Mr. Tyler, eat refreshments served by the second grade mothers."