Matt Weinstock, Jan. 18, 1960
January 18, 2010 | 4:00 pm
The trading stamp war appears to be reaching the frenzy stage and from the looks of things it will take a summit conference to settle it.
The Green Stamp people who have more or less controlled the situation for years now find it expedient to solidify their position to repel the invading blue, gold and other people who are busily establishing footholds in competing stores.
As a result, many small store owners who have gotten along very well without stamps now realize they'll have to get in the game if they're to compete.
Sitting back enjoying the conflict are hordes of housewives feverishly pasting all sorts of stamps in all sorts of books, dreaming wonderful dreams of premiums. The way they see it, you can't beat something for nothing.
What all this leads to, I might as well confess, is that E. Richardson reports from Lone Pine that he saw this sign on a motel there: "Peace, Quiet and Green Stamps Too."
JUST PAST THE MELROSE AVE. off-ramp on Hollywood Freeway, outbound motorists are confronted with a sign stating, "Hollywood Next 6 Exits." A lady I know confides it is giving her a complex. Every time she passes it she gets a trapped feeling, as if the sign contained a veiled threat and if she doesn't get out of there before it's too late she's likely to turn into a bag of salt.
In doctors' offices I've seen,
With pleasure, this month's
Then found it -- always quite
a blow --
This month's, but of a year
AN ELDERLY but lively gal in a Mixville bar held up her Martini as if giving a toast and announced, "My doctor calls this slow death!" Other customers cringed but she quickly comforted them. Frederick Keller reports, with, "But I tell him I don't mind. I'm in no hurry!"
PILOTS ON the jungle boats at Disneyland continue to dream up new lines to enhance the illusion. At the start of each journey, Pat Hurley announces grimly, "Will all you ladies please remove your earrings?" After a pause, whether they have or not, he adds, "They attract the head hunters!"
UNTIL A better one comes along let us nominate for the understatement of 1960 a remark by James Hagenwald of North American Aviation.
In a talk on high-altitude escape procedures before 300 military and civilian physicians and scientists, he said, "If an emergency occurs in actual space flight, the crew should remain with the vehicle until it returns to the atmosphere."
So don't go jumping out of those space vehicles until you get the word, kids.
THE WAY Ralph Story heard it while in New York recently, the phone rang in a paint store and a clerk answered "Boyer's paint store!"
"Is Mr. Boyer there, please?" the caller asked.
"I'm sorry, sir," the clerk replied in a low voice, "Mr. Boyer died only this morning."
That caller gulped, paused, then asked plaintively, "Well, before he died, did he say anything about a can of green paint?"
THEN THERE WAS the call Kathy Russell, secretary at an office on N Virgil Ave., got a few days ago. "Is this NO. 0-0001?" a man asked, giving the firm's correct number. "Yes, it is," Kathy said. "Oh, I have the wrong number," the man said, and hung up.
AT RANDOM -- The crowd of laborers who gather at Pico Blvd. and Rimpau, hoping to be picked up for a day's work, gets larger daily . . . Lloyd Brownfield's description of certain current hairstyles: calculated slovenliness . . . Paul Fierro tells of an actor in a TV western who broke the code of the west -- he went into action against the gunslingers without first putting on his hat.