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Matt Weinstock, Jan. 13, 1960

January 13, 2010 |  4:00 pm

  Jan. 13, 1960, Peanuts
Jan. 13, 1960, Peanuts

How to View Smog

Matt Weinstock     Before me as I write this is a clipping from the Dallas News.  A four-column photo shows the Dallas downtown skyline shrouded in haze.  The accompanying story by James Lehrer is headed, "Dallas Smog Different:  It's Healthy."

    The story states:
    "Yes, it was definitely smog.  But don't think for one minute, California, that your smog championship is in jeopardy.  Your West Coast smog reportedly causes everything from pimples to dandruff and bloodshot eyes.  Ours is different.  It's healthy.

    "The smog cuts down the visibility, sure.  The lowest it got was four miles at 9 a.m.  It was back up to eight miles by 2 p.m.

    "There's even an explanation for our smog.  'It was just a lack of wind to blow the smoke away,' explained the weatherman.  'Usually we have plenty of circulation to keep it all stirred up, but it just didn't happen this morning.' "

    IT IS CLEAR from the above that we have taken the wrong approach to our smog problem.  We keep talking and grousing about it when we should ignore it.

    From now on, let us pretend it isn't there.  Perhaps the supervisors will appoint a Board of Sweetness and Light which will assure the eye-watering, nose-blowing taxpayers that they just imagine it.


Jan. 13, 1960, Jay Robinson   

Manhattan Beach family returned from a New Year's weekend in the mountains it found this scrawled note on the front door:  "Congratulations.  You have won a 19-year supply of Christmas trees."  Seemed like a harmless gag until the family found 19 tired trees  piled in the back yard.  Happens every year, although in the Hollywood version some diabolic alcoholic places an ad in a paper stating the innocent victim will pay for used trees delivered to his home.


The happiest man is the
    person who can
Enjoy all his days as
    he lives them.
He picks his profession with
    care and discretion-
He doesn't get ulcers-
    he gives them.
        --PEARL ROWE


    ANDREW AND Virginia Stone constitute one of the most versatile husband and wife teams in motion pictures.  He writes, produces and directs; she is the film editor.  They also write the music for their productions, for instance, the title song for their recent opus, "The Last Voyage."
    Someone asked recently if they ever thought of acting.  "We'll do that, too," Andy replied, "when someone casts the first Stone."


   FOR PURPOSES of publicity, the Lanvin perfume people recently sent an emissary to the town of Hell, 58 miles east of Indio, to try to prevail upon the overseers, forked tail or not, to change the name to Arpege.  The town, some will recall, is named occasionally in gag weather stories.  You know, as hot or as cold as.
    Charles Carr, who operates the only business there, a cafe-garage, said no.  He felt the name would be worth $1 million some day as a tourist attraction.  Seems he has appointed himself president of the Hell chamber of commerce.


AROUND TOWN -- The records at Norwalk sheriff's substation reveal that an attempted burglary at the Suburban Mutual Water Co. was reported by Marilyn Neptune, who works there . . . People looking at the rain have different reactions.  With some, floods and traffic jams are uppermost.  A weekend gardener I know said, "This is the one that'll bring up the weeds."


    AT RANDOM --
Provocative inquiry from Alberto Diaz:  "Hey, suppose some saboteur goes to a Smell-O-Vision or AromaRama picture with a can of pine scent spray and lets go?"  Dunno, but it won't do a thing for Streets of Hong Kong . . . Michael Tell is shaking his head over this bit of double talk by a TV auto pitchman:  "You can't buy a better car for less!" . . . Frank Barron knows of a Hollywood apartment manager who is so strict she gives her tenants demerits.

Jan. 13, 1960, Abby