Mash Notes and Comment
"In your column of last Wednesday, you delved into the timely issue of 'Is TV on the Up-and-Up?'
"You suggested, rather broadly, that maybe it isn't.
"You cited Desi Arnaz' accent and hinted it was just an affectation.
"Then you said, and I quote:
" 'And Sheriff John. Everybody knows he's not actually a sheriff, but what I mean is, how does he REALLY feel about kids?'
"It just so happens, Mr. Coates, that I have an authentic badge given me by E.W. Biscailuz and an ID card which states that I am a duly authorized deputy sheriff of L.A. County.
"If you don't retract your false statement, I'm going to come over to your office one of these days and, if necessary, use a little persuasion on you." (signed) Sheriff John,KTTV, Hollywood.
-Lay a hand on me, officer, and I'll have you pounding a beat after the late, late movie.
"To Paul Coats,
"Paul I sent a note to Hedda Hopper, she made a mistake in her column a couple of months ago. She said Tennesee Ernie Ford was going to settle in Palo Alto.
"Well he changed his mind and moved to Portola Valley in the mountains 15 miles away from Palo Alto.
"How do I know this, well the guy who does the plumbing in Portola Valley took me to the Village Pub in Portola and Tennesee Ernie Ford was there and he introduced me to him.
"All the society people go to this bar, but we got in ok because we knew the bartender. Paul I just paid Maria Ellena of Stanford 15 bucks to retype my book. I paid her $7.50 but she will hold my book until I pay her the rest.
"I can get my book printed for two hundred dollars for the 1st thousand copies. You are always broke, I know you won't lend me $200 even if I pay you back.
"I wish I could get Greer Garsons address. She sent me a Christmas card five years ago, maybe she would lend me $200.
A Couple of Graves to Dig
"Money is hard to come by up here. Today this guy came in and said Parkey will you drive me to the graveyard, I got a couple of graves to dig.
"He takes care of the cemetery Paul.
"I said I would take him after another beer. By the time I got him to the graveyard he was too loaded to dig a grave, so we turned around and went back and got a bottle.
"I ask him how much he paid his helpers digging graves. He said two seventy five an hr. I said how about a job for me helping you. He said swell.
"You watch, Paul, with my luck nobody up here will die for months." (signed) Parkey Sharkey, 2077 Bay Road, Palo Alto.
-That's just negative thinking, Parkey.
"Coates, your comment last week that you didn't ever heed any of Parkey Sharkey's pleas for the loan of some money because you didn't want to commercialize your friendship with him failed to strike me as being a humorous one, if you intended it that way.
"Any of the letters of Parkey Sharkey which you have printed should have been paid for by you. His letters do untold good for you by adding the human touch to your column -- something which you rarely attain by yourself.
"Do you refuse to pay him the few dollars he asks because of poverty by your part. Penury?
"Wake up, man! You're profiting by Sharkey's frustrations. The man needs help!" (signed) Memphis Harry Lee Ward, P.O. Box 1963, Hollywood.
-Nothing wrong with Parkey that one good epidemic wouldn't cure.