Matt Weinstock, Dec. 16, 1959
While making a routine inspection of a Sunset Blvd. tavern, Jack Zumstein and Adolphus Miles, supervising public health sanitarians (yes, that's the correct title), were heckled by a customer who clearly had overindulged.
When they went behind the bar to inspect the sanitation he followed. When they told him to get out he refused. The owner tried to quiet him but the borracho only became more belligerent.
The inspectors said jokingly that if they had a dime they'd call police. The drunk loftily said he'd pay for the call. By this time they'd finished their inspection and were heading out the door. The heckler followed, noisily insisting they call police.
You know that old saying, "There's never a policeman around when you need one"? At this moment a police car stopped at the curb to check a traffic matter.
As the officers gathered him in, the awe and bewilderment on the drunk's face was a sight to behold. Jack and Adolphus can see him now, telling the fellows in the drunk tank how he was captured by the use of thought waves.
AS PEOPLE WHO still take trains know, the diesels arriving at Union Station sometimes go past the terminal, then back into the platforms for passengers to disembark. A man named Frank and his daughter Pamela, returning Sunday from visiting San Diego Zoo on the Santa Fe San Diegan , heard a woman remark as the train neared the station, "Look, we're backing into Los Angeles!" Her companion said, "That's been going on since Los Angeles was founded."
Be it fur coat or book.
One thing makes me weep:
Inexpensive ones look
So awfully cheap.
ATTENTION, hunch players, [illegible] L.A. girl, received a stuffed army mule a few days ago as a gift from her boyfriend, who attends West Point. "That doesn't look like a mule," her father jested, "it looks more like a cranky lion." "It does not." she retorted, "It looks like a happy tiger!"
On Monday, the father happened to notice that Happy Tiger was entered in the third race at Pimlico. On a hunch he bet $2 across the board. Yes, with a bookie. Happy Tiger won and paid $152, $37 and $16.40 -- total $205.40.
THIS IS TO report that Bonnie Black, 6, on being confronted with an eye-winking, arm-waving electrified dummy Santa Claus in a big drugstore, remarked, "Well, that's better than that 'Ho ho,hee hee!' bit."
A MOTORIST on Beverly Blvd. swerved sharply for no apparent reason in front of car in the next lane and the near-victim sounded his horn in protest. The guilty motorist yelled, "Aw, take it easy, you'll live longer!" "You drive better," was the retort, "and I will!" The guilty motorist smiled and said, "You know something -- you're right!"
ONLY IN L.A. -- Kay Cataldi saw a woman carrying a live white hen go into a restaurant at 1st and Spring Sts. What some people won't do to get their food cooked the way they want it.
AT RANDOM -- A dejected fellow leaving the Rams-Colts game Saturday was overheard by Frank Barron muttering, "My luck's so bad I couldn't pick last week's winners!" . . . Recommended reading for those who have strong views on the death penalty -- David Dressler's Coronet article, "Capital Punishment Is Murder" . . . The clientele is at it again. C.E. Brown of Costa Mesa says he thought the forecast, "Widespread eye irritation is expected tomorrow," meant the smog would be especially irritating to people with widespread eyes. And when the forecast is "light eye irritation" Rich Fowler is sure glad he doesn't have light eyes. . . Needling taxpayers are referring to their exorbitant taxes as payola to tax collector H.L. Byram, who is really the innocent victim.