Matt Weinstock, Nov. 24, 1959
November 24, 2009 | 4:00 pm
Hey, it’s our old pal T.C. Jones!
He's a Go Boy
For reasons which are inscrutable, the gentlemen in charge of traffic lights are tilting and putting blinders on them so that motorists cannot see the ones to their left and right while stopped at intersections.
This is an unhappy turn of events for motorists who habitually look sideways while waiting for the signal to change. Puts them on the qui vive.
The blinders also put into sharp focus the two schools of driving. First, those who start the moment the light turns to green. Second, the dawdlers.
I HAPPEN to be with the go boys and against the dawdlers. In fact, I will go so far as to state that there is no place in rush hour traffic for the laggards, who don't seem to give a darn if they ever get going.
O gentlemen of the traffic lights, it could be that you've erred. We need to see those lights to the right and left to see when and if we're going to make those signals.
A SUNDAY SCHOOL class got into a discussion of "The Nun's Story" the other day when it was found that several students as well as the teacher, Carl Monsen , had seen it. They were talking about Audrey Hepburn's ordeal as a novice when one teenage girl remarked, "Wasn't it awful the way they whacked off her hair and then when she left they didn't even give her a permanent!"
Back east, thick shoes they
hear the squeak of-
But shoes out here aren't
much to speak of.
THE CURSE has been taken off cranberries, but the gags remain. La Vaughn Kirk reports a West L.A. camera store has a sign, "Bravest man in town is one who smokes a cranberry cigarette" . . . Harry M. Cress spotted this one in a North Hollywood laboratory: "Cranberry Decontamination a Specialty" . . . And a Sunset Blvd. shop has this one: "Cranberries imported from Germany, Switzerland and Sweden."
ALMOST every week the post office announces new stamps and there are those who think it's time to hold everything and go back to George, Ben and Abe.
Kenny Isbell bought a dollar's worth of four-centers -- drably white, inscribed: "Champion of Liberty" with a picture of Ernest Reuter, mayor of Berlin 1948-53. He has nothing against Mr. Reuter, he wonders only if he belongs on a U.S. stamp. Also how commemorative Mr. Summerfield can get.
THE DEFENDANT in a misdemeanor case phoned the city attorney's office the morning his hearing was scheduled and said he'd be unable to appear because of a broken leg.
"That's too bad," the deputy prosecutor said. "Are you in the hospital?"
"You don't understand," was the reply. "I've got a wooden leg. I lost the bolt out of it and can't find it."
A PUBLICIST who will be kept anonymous to spare him further embarrassment returned to his parked and locked car and saw, in dismay, that he'd left the key in the ignition slot. There was nothing else to do as he got a big rock and smashed a window and unlocked the door from the inside. He was about to get in when, out of habit, he reached in his pocket and found his key. Then he realized he'd broken into someone else's car, identical with his. Yes, he left his name and paid for the broken window.
AT RANDOM -- Anybody know how to say "Merry Christmas" or "Season's Greetings," in Eskimo? Photog Emil Cuhel took a picture of a pretty Eskimo gal in a parka for a Christmas card and nobody seems to know . . . A boy, 12, who did a minor chore for the lady next door was rewarded with a nickel. He stared at it and remarked, with feigned incredulity, "Are they still making these?"