Matt Weinstock, Oct. 27, 1959
October 27, 2009 | 4:00 pm
Street Shrinkers Studies are constantly being made to determine the effects of alcohol, smoking, overeating and noise on people but another perhaps more deadly trauma-producing experience is relatively neglected. Driving in traffic, I mean. It does things to people. At least it has to a man named Hank.
"I finally got it figured out," he said the other day. "You know these outfits that are always digging up streets and funneling three lanes of traffic into one? They've got extrasensory perception!"
"EVERY DAY when I go to work," he went on, "I have a plan to outwit them. But it's no use. They're way ahead of me. If I take the freeway some guys will be replanting or watering the terraces and I'm liable to hit their trucks. If I take Sunset or Beverly or 3rd into town they'll have barricades all over the place. If I turn off onto a side street to elude them they'll have that blocked too. Maybe there's a helicopter up there, watching. I don't know. But I'm sure the word goes out when I leave the house -- Drive this guy nuts."
On the other hand maybe he isn't imagining it.
THE OLD WEST lived again briefly Sunday in El Sereno.
Someone frantically notified police that a mountain lion was roaming a hill above Verdemour Ave., off Huntington Dr. Sirens screaming, the gendarmes quickly responded, one with a powerful rifle.
Amid cries of "There he is!" from youngsters, the officers closed in on the beast, which turned out to be a frightened house cat.
As the police disgustedly departed, one pointed to another cat, a black one, and admonished the owner, "now, please, don't call 10 minutes after we've gone and say there's a black panther loose!"
GUEST SPEAKER at the Mystery Writers of America dinner meeting Friday at Cafe de Paris will be John Creasy of Wilts, Eng. You never heard of John Creasy? Maybe that's because he writes under 11 pseudonyms in addition to his own name.
As of December, 1958, he had published 355 hardcover books and 80 softcover books. He also owns a paperback publishing firm, edits a mystery magazine and runs a literary agency. It isn't known whether he ever sleeps.
How did he get his start? Between the ages of 10 and 17 he received 740 rejection slips.
Incidentally, the mystery writers, a fun loving group, have imprinted on their stationary, "'Crime does not pay -- enough!' - Ancient proverb."
ONLY IN L.A. -- A man went into his favorite bar and ordered his favorite drink. He should have known something was wrong when the bartender failed to address him as "Sir." The clincher came when the drink was served to him right-handed. The bartender knows he is left-handed. So that's how he knew his tab in the till was overripe.
HOW CONDITIONED can a person get? When a Topanga Canyon resident who works in L.A. learned that another brush fire had broken out in his area he remarked to a fellow worker, "Got to pick up some marshmallows on the way home -- we're having another marshmallow roast."
AT RANDOM -- A postcard from a young man in Czechoslovakia, requesting information, was received by Mitchel Cadish, general manager of Duro-matic, which makes model airplane engines, although addressed, "Culver City, Calif. Texas, USA" . . . That was a nice spoof on psychiatry in Sunday's "Maverick" when Jean Wiles, a naughty blond, said to James Garner, posing as a crook, "Why couldn't you be legit?" He replied, "I was raised in a rich neighborhood -- too many advantages" . . . The football broadcasters went technical again over the weekend. One had the line "looping" and a "flyback playing off the center's hip." That could hurt.