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Matt Weinstock, Oct. 24, 1959

October 24, 2009 |  4:00 pm

Oct. 24, 1959, Peanuts
Yet another panel you'll never see in the legacy version of "Peanuts."

Bearded Bamboozler

Matt Weinstock
    While driving south from San Francisco recently, Mike Molony stopped in Paso Robles and was momentarily puzzled to discover he was the object of the admiring glances of passerby.

    He soon caught on.  The men of the town had gone in for whisker growing in observance of the annual Pioneer Day celebration and Mike's distinguished white beaver, a thing of beauty, virtually established him as king for a day.

    Not one to holler copper, Mike permitted himself to be lionized by several home guard enthusiasts as a local pioneer and ventured a few ad lib historical comments.  Among other things he recalled the last Indian raid on Paso Robles, back in '93 he thought it was, and the blood-curdling yells of the marauding redskins.

    He is certain the mature gentlemen who heard him knew he was making it up but he had some of the youngsters spellbound.  Naturally, he took it on the lam before they could get after him with their slingshots.


Oct. 24, 1959, Modern Family      EYEBROW RAISING letter from a man named Jim: "How does a person get into this protege business?  Are there rules?  Is it like diplomatic immunity? Friend of mine, 36, married, thinks he might be tempted to chuck the old girl and take up with a protege if he could qualify under 50 years old.  Ordinarily he'd be worried about what his friends might think.  But apparently if a man with a protege dies suddenly he is automatically eulogized as a fine, fun-loving guy everybody is just crazy about.  It's got a lot of us baffled and we're wondering."

    No answer.


There are lots of reducing
But really the very worst
Is the pill who never gets
Of telling you how it was


    APPARENTLY there's no end to the nicknames of Gardena poker players.
Sid Marks, the onetime fighter, now a security officer at the Gardena Club, comes up with the monikers of some more of the chums, as follows:  Hockshop Louie, Herman the German, Carnation Benny, Sacramento Sam, Watermelon Johnny, Frenchy the Philosopher, Leo the Cry Baby, Big Daddy Silva, Twinkle Toes Ernie, Louie the Lug and Harry the Hog.

    Then there's Leaping Leno, who has perfected the technique of moving from one table to another as the collector comes around each half hour to pick up the house tab;  Deaf Louie, who pretends he doesn't hear, and Sand Bag Elsie, who has been known to check three aces, then raise the bettor the limit.


    IT WAS BAD enough for the motor vehicle department to suspend his driver's license, says a man named Bill, but he thought it was going too far for the envelope in which the notice was sent to have imprinted, " Has your driver's license expired lately?"


   FOOTNOTES -- Crews of fast talkers are swarming in West L.A., offering to resurface homeowners' macadam driveways at bargain rates.  Typical pitch: "It's a $75 job but we're working in the neighborhood and we'll do it for $37.50."  When refused, the price goes down to $30.  Awhile back it was oiling shingled roofs . . . Theatergoers remembering the so-so roles given Signe Hasso in movies are entranced by her performance in "Mary Stuart" at the Biltmore . . . In a letter to friends announcing he has gone into the liquor business -- trade name Dino's -- Dean Martin writes, "I guess I should have known I'd wind up this way.  When I was a kid I had the best lemonade stand you ever saw" . . . Pat Buttram, fill-in for Bob Crane on KNX , said yesterday, "The weather bureau forecasts light smog.  That must mean they've found a way to bleach the stuff" . . . An E 1st St. restaurant has an old Board of Equalization notice posted warning patrons that liquor will not be served to minors - signed by William G. Bonelli.  That was a long time ago.

[Note: Yes, that’s Bob “Hogan’s Heroes” Crain. He was once an announcer on KNX. —lrh]