Matt Weinstock, Oct. 12, 1959
October 12, 2009 | 4:00 pm
A man phoned Lee Warburton the other day and complained indignantly about his failure to expedite the street work which was blocking the caller's driveway. "If I'd known this was the way you handle things," he exploded, "I wouldn't have voted for you last election!""Last election?" Warburton echoed. "I didn't run for office last election."
"Yes you did," the caller insisted. "I distinctly remember voting for you."
And so Warburton patiently, despairingly informed him that it was six years ago that he retired voluntarily as a councilman representing the east section of San Fernando Valley and that since then he has been a private citizen in public relations work.
A MAN I KNOW was pleasantly surprised a few days ago to discover that his unemployment insurance check was for $55 instead of the usual $40. For those who registered after Sept. 15 the increased fee is in effect. As he brought it to the cashier he remarked happily , "That's a lot of money, isn't it?" And the cashier, who wears his thumb to the knuckle daily counting out money for the jobless, replied wistfully, "I wish I was in that bracket -- it's more than I make."
A CHEVIOT HILLS tycoon drove home the other day in a 1960 Cadillac and, as he got out, the lady next door, working in the garden, admired it. "C'mon," he said, "I'll give you a ride around the block." When she declined he said, "Hey, if this car isn't any good on the pickup the heck with it."
BEHAVIOR SELFIf your offspring is a hellion, Full of impudent rebellion, Try precept; if you demonstrate, It just might set your demon straight. - DON QUINN
WHEN Bob Bowden answered his phone a woman asked, "Is this HAphazard 2-1998?" He said no it was 2-1994. With an exclamation of disgust, she hung up. The phone immediately rang again. It was the same woman, asking if it was 2-1998. Again Bob said no, it was 2-1994.
"You answered too soon," she said accusingly, as if he'd picked up the phone four numbers prematurely.
WHAT WITH disputes over World Series bets, romantic involvements and just plain alcoholic perversity, things became rather rowdy in a southside bar at 1:30 a.m. the other night. When the last brawl was finally settled, the weary bartender observed sadly: "That's what a guy gets for hanging around saloons!"
FASCINATING if irrelevant remark overheard by A. Blum, apparel company executive, at 9th and Los Angeles Sts., one disgruntled man to another: "I'll never work for a firm that begins with an S again!"
OOPS, an announcement of a meeting in Pasadena Oct. 22 "aimed at the prevention and reduction of alcoholism, the nation's No. 3 health problem," states, "Dinner will be at 7, cocktails served from 6 o'clock."
AT RANDOM -- Pasadena City College has four night classes in the Russian language. A year ago hardly enough students showed up for one . . . Message on a postal card. "In looking over your account we find there is 2 cents postage due us. If this money is not received by Friday we will be forced to set the dogs on you. Sincerely, Barbara Jumping Bull. White Horse, Yukon Territory." But the post mark is Inglewood, Cal. So beware, the pixies are loose and Halloween is coming . . . An unmarried lady in Laguna Beach received a brochure from a store with the message in heavy print on the envelope: "Win a $2,500 scholarship for your child." "They could at least use a plain envelope!" she says . . . "Don't gaze at the stars while driving or you may never see them again."