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Paul V. Coates -- Confidential File, July 24, 1959

July 24, 2009 |  2:00 pm

Confidential File

Mash Notes

Paul Coates(Press Release) "Jack Paar says in the current issue of Look magazine that his wife, Miriam, is sexy --'in a Republican sort of way'." (signed) Publicity Dept., Look magazine, New York City.
    --Well, you know how it is, Jack. Politics makes strange bedfellows.


"Dear Mr. Coates:

"I know a teen-age girl who has trained a beautiful blue parakeet to talk very plainly. This bird could make a wonderful show bird.

"The girl plays the accordion herself and has been on Mr. and Mrs. Bob Yeakel's Rocket to Stardom.

"One day this parakeet flew out of the door, so her grandmother advertised in the Pasadena paper, and it was returned by a couple who said the bird also spoke to them.

"I was wondering if you might approach someone in television who would like to show the bird on a program.

"I can personally say this parakeet sure talks plain and I can understand what he says. 'Pass the birdseed, please'." (signed) Mrs. B.Altadena
    --Don't you think you've had enough?


(Press Release) "Actress Mary La Roche knew a bachelor who had a French poodle in his apartment.

"The guy had it trained to a T, and he refined a gimmick to give his dog exercise even though the animal was cooped up in the apartment all day.

"The bachelor had the dog conditioned to run around the room whenever the telephone rang.

"So, all the man did was phone his apartment several times a day, let it ring for a few minutes, and the dog would run around and around the room, getting much-needed exercise.

"Mary was intrigued with this and decided to have some fun. She managed to talk the landlord into letting her into the apartment one afternoon on the pretext of feeding the dog. Then Mary waited for the inevitable phone ringing.

"The phone rang and kept ringing for about a minute and a half, until Mary lifted the receiver and, putting her mouth close to it, panted three or four times and hung up." (signed)Aleon Bennett, Public Relations, Hollywood.
    --You've had your little joke, Mary. Now get out of that bachelor's apartment


"Mr. Coates:

"You write some worthwhile articles once in a rare while. Once in a RARE while, I said.

"The rest of the time, your mind is full of trash.

"Who are you to say that it's all right if a policeman marries a chorus girl? If you ask me, that Las Vegas sheriff did 100% right when he fired his deputy for marrying that dance hall woman.

"Policemen have a respectable job. They should have respectable wives.

"Half-dressed women who kick their bare legs up in some chorus line certainly aren't respectable.

"The best thing for policemen to do with those kind of women is to arrest them. NOT marry them.

"These girls are all from the same mold and you know it. They are cheap little tricks who don't care what kind of costumes they wear just so they get public attention.

"I suppose this letter will end up in your wastebasket because your mind is already made up. But I dare you to answer this question:

"How would you like it if EVERY policeman had a chorus girl for a wife?" (signed) Mrs. R.J., Long Beach.
    --Wouldn't do a damn thing for me, lady, but it might help department morale.