Paul V. Coates -- Confidential File, June 27, 1959
June 27, 2009 | 2:00 pm
Mash Notes and Comments"Dear Mr. Coates,
"Are you acquainted with the following fact?
"A cat can stray into your garage, find a comfortable place to sleep.
"You put your car in the garage, lock the door and retire.
"He wakes up any time in the night and wants to get out.
"The owner hears it and calls you on the phone and demands that you get up and let his cat out of your garage.
"If you are like me, you tell him where to go, and go back to sleep.
"Next the sheriff rings your bell and you get up and let the cat out, no ifs or buts.
"You may be old. You may be sick. The night may be cold and damp, but you get out of a warm bed and go out and let the cat out.
"You may be discomforted, but who cares? The cat is happy.
"This happened to me the other night.
"I supposed it will happen again, but what can I do about a cat like that?" (signed) O.E. Van Tuyl, 8914 Marshall, Rosemead.
--I could tell you, O.E., but the sheriff will be after both of us.
(Press Release) "It probably never will be recorded in the history books, but the current Look magazine reports that Vice President Nixon is the fastest dresser in high office.
"His time: eight minutes for formal clothes, two and half minutes for regular wear." (signed) Publicity Dept., Look Magazine, New York City.
--Pull down the shades, Pat. Here comes that Look reporter with his damn stop watch again.
"My dear friend:
"May I share with you a very exciting experience I have enjoyed?
"Should you be impressed with my story, please pass it along to your friends.
"I attended a 13-week course with the Simmons Institute on human relations. One of the assignments during this course was to go home and tell our spouses, 'I love you because' -- giving a new reason for 30 consecutive days, and then bring in a report.
"I was quite impressed with this assignment and asked many of my friends and relatives to help me out.
"It was amazing how the reports came in. Some spouses were shocked, some suspicious and some made a game of it.
"Best of all, I like to tell about an attorney I know who specializes in divorce cases. Since I told him of this assignment, he now instructs his clients to try the above advice for one week before he takes the case.
"If, by the end of the week, they still want the divorce he will then proceed to get it for them.
"He instructs them to say, 'Even though I am going to divorce you, I want you to know that I love you because' -- giving them several reasons such as: you are a good dancer, you are handsome, you are helpful, etc.
"Was I thrilled by the result of the first case he reported me!
"Before the week was over, this client phoned to say, 'It's all off!'
"Imagine just the communication of the four powerful words, 'I love you because'...
"Try it on your wife --the results will be very gratifying, I assure you." (signed) Mrs. Violet Dworman, 1411 N. Fairfax, L.A.
--What's the use, Violet? These Hollywood marriages never last, anyway.