Matt Weinstock, June 23, 1959
June 23, 2009 | 4:00 pm
"Hazel, I Said No! You Can't Have a New Dress!"
A lady named Julia has been confronted with a major dilemma -- to move or not to move. Normal accretion being what it is, her apartment has become inadequate for her needs. She gets a crowded feeling every time she enters it. However, she also knows about the ordeal of moving and the headaches of getting adjusted somewhere else.
The other day she made her decision. She's staying.
What decided her was the awful thought of all the tabulating machines whirring to a stop, maybe tying up the economy a little, while new sets of holes were punched in her cards for magazine subscriptions, utility bills and bank statements and new serial numbers were assigned her for credit cards and whatnot.
Frightening, but that's life today.
A NEWSMAN talking to a first-time visitor to L.A. said, "It's this kind of a town. You can go downtown at 8 a.m. and the sun will be shining and the birds will be singing, then suddenly around 3 o'clock somebody will say or do something and you'd swear everybody had gone crazy. You never know what's going to happen around here."
Last night I met my family. The tube went out on our TV.
LITERARY NOTES -- The mystery of the B-24 found recently in the African desert reminded writer Sparks Stringer of an "unbelievable" radio drama he wrote in 1937. In it he had a World War I plane landing in the same place with footprints leading away from it, then suddenly disappearing ... Devotees of J.D. Salinger ("Catcher in the Rye") are fascinated and puzzled by his rambling, stream-of-consciousness tale which ran through 69 pages in the June 6 New Yorker, dealing with his brother Seymour, who committed suicide ... Through a line here, CBS Radio located Joseph Hudock, whose "Suspense" script, "Spoils for Victor," was repeated a few weeks ago, and he has received his "spoils," a check. Hudock is a chemistry teacher at St. Monica Boys High School in Santa Monica.
A PLAYFUL young man exploded a firecracker under the chair of an unappreciative colleague in a downtown office yesterday, thereby creating all sorts of consternation.
Never mind the obvious question, where did he get the illegal firecracker? The upsetting thing was that when the victim examined the blasted bits of the firecracker he discovered it was fashioned from an American syndicate's colored comic section marked "Copyright 1957." Furthermore, its point of origin was Red China via Hong Kong.
He doesn't know whether to charge his joker friend with trading with the enemy or leave things as they are -- inscrutable.
KID STUFF -- While his parents were inspecting the new models in a showroom in San Fernando, their son, 9, rushed up and asked, ""isn't this where they sell Chevrolets?" The salesman said it certainly was. The boy exhibited the gum balls he'd gotten from the vending machine --with "Ford" imprinted on them ... His teacher asked Hank Naylor, 9, to define the word "sandbar" and replied, knowingly, "That's a bar at the beach."
AT RANDOM -- Know how papers and refuse are gathered from the parking lots at Hollywood Park? They're blown into piles with a wind machine. Beats stabbing them with nail-pointed sticks ... Someone asked columnist Sydney J. Harris if capital punishment is a deterrent to crime and he replied, "Statistics prove conclusively that not a single person who has suffered capital punishment has been indicted a second time" ... The DMV crackdown on misbehaving motorists will get even tougher July 1 ... An unseen TV announcer said, "Some programs are mechanically produced to prevent them at a more convenient time" ... Someone, Herb Schneble reports, has written in two-ft. letters on Ocean Blvd., Long Beach, "Tourist Go Home."