Matt Weinstock, May 26, 1959
May 26, 2009 | 4:00 pm
"Wha's a Int'llectual?"
Good Samaritan? Nope!A man who lives on the sixth floor of a downtown hotel was awakened at 1 a.m. the other night by what he described as a banshee wail.
He looked out the window and at first saw nothing unusual. Then he discerned the figure of an elderly man, lying on his back in the street about 3 ft. from the curb, moaning in pain.
He phoned police and reported it, guessing the man was the victim of a hit-and-run driver or had suffered a stroke.
WHILE HE WAITED by the window a big car sped past, braked sharply to a stop about 50 ft. beyond the man and backed up. The driver, unaware he was being watched, got out and looked at the suffering oldster for a moment. All at once the implications of his position must have struck him. If he summoned help it might be assumed that he had run down the old man. He might be arrested and have difficulty proving his innocence.
He looked around nervously, got in his car and took off like a jet plane into the night.
A LADY malapropper, a spy reports, is running amok in San Fernando. Recent remarks:
"We're building a condition to our house."
"Next year we're having our 32nd wedding adversity."
"I'm taking the mendication the doctor gave me."
"I don't like to protrude."
"Every time the phone rang my blood pressure ran cold."
And, being a nice woman, she's always offering people "congranulations."
They're tearing up the streets again
With shovels and pickaxes.
This occupation never ends
And neither do our taxes.
A MAN WHO didn't think he deserved the citation he received for making an illegal left turn at Airport Blvd. and La Tijera Rd. thought he would get an opportunity to tell what he considered mitigating circumstances to the judge.
He didn't and after he paid his fine he suggested to a court attache that it would be a good idea to have printed some folders giving traffic-law violators some instructions on court procedure and the alternatives.
The court attache misunderstood his intent and said, "We don't do that because it encourages people to make use of the court."
ONLY IN PHILLY -- George Garrigues submitted an article to the Saturday Evening Post. He didn't sell it but he received a rather classic rejection letter. It stated, "We are sorry that coffee was inadvertently spilled on your pages. Enclosed are fresh copies." Yep, they copied his rejected manuscript.
ED LEUIN of San Berdoo is always bewildered by the endless variety of breakfast cereals in supermarkets and he wonders if a certain manufacturer has ever considered one with dates. It might be called, he suggests slyly, Post Dated Chex.
AT RANDOM -- Everything's going to be all right, folks. I have just received an 18-in. bamboo Korean peace pipe from Seoul -- to remind me about the movie "Pork Chop Hill" ... Recommended readings: Myron Roberts' "Sermon on the Mound" in L.A. magazine, a scorch on the Dodgers in Chavez Ravine, written as a Biblical parable ... You can't fool those kids. Jane, 13, anticipating the denouncement of a TV drama, exclaimed, "Oh oh, they're playing that getting-into-trouble music" ... Sudden overdue thought: A typographical posy to the men who do the landscaping on freeway terraces, even if it is heavy on fast growing Algerian ivy and ice plant ... Anent the running feud between TV performers and critics, Art Linkletter told of the trade paper reviewer who gave a fearless, uncompromising, unequivocal critique of a SigAlert bulletin.