Matt Weinstock -- May 14, 1959
May 14, 2009 | 4:00 pm
Cause of the World's IllsIt isn't often you get the kind of significant thinking that emerged the other day during a coffee break in a Spring Street restaurant.
A man named Joe broke open the conversation by announcing that he'd figured out the reason for all the trouble in the world.
We know through physics, he said, that everything, including man, is made up of atoms, intricately arranged.
For billions of years, he went on, atoms have swirled happily around their favorite nuclei. Then man came along and split them. This not only hurt; it made them yearn for their former tranquility.
Angered, bruised, their dignity offended, the atoms have gotten together and decided they've had enough of man's incessant tinkering. Man, they have decreed, has got to go.
No, the coffee wasn't spiked.
SEVERAL PERSONS have been haunted by the provocative beginning of a science-fiction story, used by writer Fredric Brown and printed here: "The last man on Earth sat alone in a room. There was a knock on the door --"
However, Florence Welisch believes she has the answer: It could have been a woman.
WHAT THE THUNDER BURRED
Dew ewe think everyone
Should be afford donor?
Wino! What would the flacks
Do without their cattle ax?
MOST VIVID memory Mac Mohr brought back from a trip to New York last week had to do with a cabby he called to drive him from his hotel to the terminal, where he would get a bus to the airport.
As they started out the cabby said, "How about me taking you all the way to the airport. Normally it's a $6 trip but this has been a dull day and I'll do it for $5.50." Mac declined. The cabby said $5 and Mac shrugged and said OK.
Halfway there the cabby scowled so fiercely Mac asked if anything was the matter.
"Yeah," was the disgusted reply, "you're my first fare all day and I'm not going to make a nickel."
IT IS CLEAR that the credit card people are in a feverish competition to outdo each other in rendering unusual services. Today, score a point for the Diners' Club.
While driving at night -- Tempe, Ariz, in January, Paul Falkenhagen crashed into an unlighted, illegally parked car and sustained head injuries, including a broken nose. Fortunately he had purchased an accident policy eight days before through his credit card.
Last week Beneficial Standard Life of this city presented him with a check for $1698.67 for the patching up. Get the picture? A new nose, courtesy the Diners' Club.
LATEST version on an old Madison Avenue theme, overheard by Henry Lewis, the literary agent: "Let's send it through the dairy and see if it comes back with any butter fat."
AT RANDOM -- The banner line, "Press Hunt for Fugitives," fascinated Don Holden, of San Gabriel. He wondered if it meant reporters were organizing a posse ... J. Nagy heard a KFAC announcer say, "for a stable sole" instead of "for a sable stole." He liked it better with the fluff ... Anyone besides Rose Mendelsohn notice that on the Firestone Hour Monday a plaque was awarded the Firestone Fire & Rubber Co. for its "tireless" efforts in research? ... It's a crazy age all right. Duane DuZan saw a sign on a shop in Pasadena: "We dry clean wash and wear garments" ... The town has really gone theater mad. The Greek Theater received a signed blank check for eight season tickets ($32 each) with a note, "Fill in amount" -- and an address ... JayGurey now gets out the Gurey Gulch Gazette instead of writing letters. His slogan: "Do something every day to make other people happy -- even it it's merely to let them alone."