Paul Coates -- Confidential File, April 15, 1959

CONFIDENTIAL FILE There Was no Dame, That Was a Duchess The telephone on my desk jangled. "Hello," I said. It seemed a logical thing to say. "You heard about Goya?" the breathless voice at the other end of the line wanted to know. "You mean old Francisco Jose de?" I asked brightly, "The Spanish painter?" "That's the one," the voice informed me. "He's been banned." "Serves him right," I said knowingly. "Carrying on with that Duchess de Alba. Him with a wife and kids." "No, no," said the voice. "Goya is dead." "Cholesterol . . .?" I began hesitantly. The voice cut me short. "Goya's BEEN dead for 131 years." I thought I detected a patronizing tone. "It's a picture he painted that's been banned," the voice continued. My name is Scholl. I'm with United Artists." "Oh?" I murmured. "I must have missed your last picture." "I'm not in pictures," the voice assured me. "I promote pictures." Ten seconds of oppressive silence followed while I digested the confession. "Promote...?" I asked fearfully. "Promote!" the voice declared. "And that's my problem," he continued. "They won't let me promote 'The Naked Maja.'" "Ruddy shame," I sympathized. "Ruddy right," the voice agreed. " All I tried to do was use a reproduction of Goya's famous painting in newspaper ads. Papers wouldn't accept 'em. "Just because the dame in the picture is nude." "That was no dame, that was the duchess," I corrected. "Anyway, it does seem pretty narrow-minded." "And that's what Goya's life is all about," the voice said. "Really?" I replied. "Really, About how Goya painted the Duchess de Alba in the nude. Andy how her husband, the Duke, found out." I brightened. After all, these spicy little tidbits are always good. Even if they are 131 years old. "You say the Duke found out?" I asked. "Everybody did. It was all over town. Quite a scandal." Try, Try Again "I'll bet," I said. "So Goya had to do it all over again," the voice said. "You mean...?" I began. "Yep. Goya painted her with clothes on." "Ruddy..." I began. "Shame," he concluded. "And how's it going to look if I use a painting of a dame with clothes on when I'm trying to promote a picture called 'The Naked Maja'?" the voice demanded. "Beats me," I admitted. "Wouldn't be right. No punch. No socko, No sell," the voice insisted. "Just not box-office," I added helpfully. "But what can I do about it?" "Write something," he said. "What?" I asked. "I don't know," he confided. "Just something to arouse the people." I promised him I would. And I will. So, all right, everybody, up!