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Matt Weinstock -- April 7, 1959

April 7, 2009 |  4:00 pm



The Skin Swimmer

Matt_weinstockdBal Week, the traditional pilgrimage of exuberant youth to Balboa during Easter vacation, has been watered down, so to speak, the last few years.

The burghers wearied of high-spirited youth taking over their town, and the gendarmes were instructed to suppress rigidly even such minor lawlessness as beer drinking and screaming in the night. As a result many youngsters now go to Palm Springs or Big Bear.

But many of them still prefer Balboa, even under scrutiny, and during the recent relaxing there an L.A. couple weekending in Newport saw a curious drama near their home. A harbor police boat drew up to a float near the Balboa ferry landing and flashed the searchlight on a swimmer.

AS HE WAS being questioned the light kept sweeping about, seeking others. In a moment grim gendarmes were all over the place, pointing their flashlights on and under the landings. It was like a chase scene in a movie murder.

Excited, the lady onlooker asked, "Was he wanted for something serious?"

The officer confided, "He was swimming without any trunks."

"Oh!" she exclaimed. "I thought he was wearing white trunks."

::

1959_0407_cave_de_roys A DOCTOR
read a magazine article about income taxes stating that when a return is made out in round numbers -- no breakdown to dimes, nickels and pennies -- it is scrutinized more carefully than otherwise. Alarmed, for his is done in that manner, he called his auditor.

"Don't worry," the auditor advised. "The tax people like it that way. They call it a cents-less report."

::

BRINKMANSHIP

The way we and the Russians act
All that thunder
Makes one wonder
Did we sign a suicide pact?

-- G.F.

::

DID YOU EVER
smile at a funeral? A lady I know did. Nice lady, too. Always helping people.

The funeral was for a man who was high in his profession.

Ten years ago this lady arranged to meet him to ask his guidance in a matter she thought important.

He rudely brushed her off. She learned subsequently he was like that. As one acquaintance put it, "He wouldn't give you the time of day if he had three wrist watches."

She never forgot the incident and when she read of his death recently she went to the funeral. She isn't vicious but somehow it pleased her that the chapel was empty except for her.

::

1959_0407_abby IF THEY'RE
going to be gypped, most persons prefer to be taken by surprise, not clubbed over the head, as an audacious fellow tried the other day. After dining at the Blarney Castle he said he'd left his walled containing his credit card at his office and asked manager RudyCleye if he could cash a check. He'd been in before and a blank check was provided. And then, within hearing of the bartender, he said gaily to his companion, "What bank should I make this one on?" Very bad form, and he got the bums' rush to prove it.

::

A LADY I KNOW
has just acquired her first TV set. She is somewhat stunned by the new world which has opened before her and is trying to adapt her life to it. "In a way it's wonderful," she said. "Why during the 'Playhouse 90' commercials I washed some clothes, shined two pairs of shoes and sewed on some buttons and snaps -- things I've been trying to do for weeks!"

::

MISCELLANY -- Archie Jacobs' definition of a capitalist: A person who can afford to pay 20 cents a pound for watermelon ...






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