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Matt Weinstock -- April 17, 1959

April 17, 2009 |  4:00 pm


Cans! Cans! Cans!

Matt_weinstockdThe man on the phone, asking a moment of my time, sounded reasonable -- at first.

"You might want to write about this," he said. "I think I know why people are so tense and nervous and jumpy."

Pencil poised, I waited.

"Cans!" he said.

Right there I began cringing.

"It started with the incinerator ban," he said. "Until then all a person had to worry about was putting out the garbage can on Mondays and Thursdays and the bottles and cans on alternate Wednesdays, at least in my neighborhood.

"All of a sudden," he continued, "people had to gather their old papers and wrappings and cartons and leaves and twigs and put them out at the curb on Tuesdays -- three canfuls for me.

April 17, 1959, Hammer Death "A person needs a bookkeeping system to keep up with what day is which. I get so mixed up I catch myself putting the garbage out on combustible rubbish day and sometimes I forget can day entirely."

"And," he scolded, "we've still got smog!"

::

A FUNERAL DIRECTOR
out toward San Gabriel a few days ago engaged a travel agent to arrange to ship the remains of the recently deceased elsewhere for burial, with a slightly macabre result.

The travel agent called an airline and inquired about procedure. The airline man, apparently reluctant to handle this type of business, said one way was to ship the deceased air freight, otherwise a regular ticket would be required. The travel agent said this might not always be satisfactory because of the time element. "What about C.O.D.?" he pursued.

"Suppose the people at the other end refused to accept the remains?" the airline man countered.

The travel agent, sensing he was losing ground, retorted, "I guess it's like anything else -- if they don't pay, you just keep the merchandise."

::

April 17, 1959, Castro Visits Washington YOU KNOW
all those jokes about the Fuller Brush man? Well, today we have a slight case of rebuttal.

John Owen, who has a territory in Hollywood, knocked on a door and a lady invited him in. He realized she had been expecting someone else who hadn't appeared.

He went ahead displaying his brushes and cleaners and cosmetics, but it was obvious she was not in a buying mood. Her mind was on romance. He fled with the reputation of all Fuller Brush men intact.

::

WEIRD EXCHANGE
between two women overheard on the veranda of the Coronado Hotel:

"You know, my son is a normal child."

"Very normal?"

"Yes."

::

I THINK I have finally figured out why TV car salesmen mispronounce it "Chevalay." They think it was named for Maurice Chevrolet.

::

April 17, 1959, Abby PUBLIC AT LARGE --
What this country needs, Seymour Mandel contends, is a credit card Uncle Sam will honor for taxes ... Of a lady executive he has encountered, Paul Grimes says, "She's easy to talk to -- if you can interrupt her."

::

TIME OUT

Tomorrow's blinds are drawn --
And yesterday? So what!
Go scratch your back, and yawn--
Today's all that you've got.
--JOSEPH P. KRENGEL


::

AROUND TOWN --
A young man at 5th and Hill carrying a pair of skis and ski boots drew some yoo-hoos from the sun worshipers who abound there ... It isn't generally known that Edd Byrnes, the hair-combing Kookie of "77 Sunset Strip" played a jive-talking killer in the series' pilot film. He was so good they made him a nice guy. Now the teenage girls adore him ... Anyone else besides Blanche von Aspe notice that the new president of Family Service in Pasadena is Mrs. Willis Stork?





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