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Matt Weinstock -- April 16, 1959

April 16, 2009 |  4:00 pm

Crime and Punishment

Matt_weinstockdA young man named Len was stopped recently for an illegal left turn on Vermont Ave. and, when it turned out he didn't have his driver's license, the officer ran a routine check on him over the police radio.

Back came the word that there was an outstanding warrant against him for overparking in a one-hour zone, and he was instructed to follow the gendarme to the downtown jail.

Len said he didn't remember any such parking citation and had never received notice that the warrant would be issued, as is procedure, but he was booked anyway.

BUT THE REAL SURPRISE was to come. He was placed in a cell with several smudged characters and after getting oriented, he asked one huge gentleman what he was in for. "Assault with a deadly weapon," he said. Another was there for burglary, a third for selling narcotics.

April 16, 1959, Embezzler Loses Everything in Las Vegas Then Len was asked why he was there and he said "Overparking." They thought he was trying to be funny and they didn't think he was. He finally convinced them but, as the crime reporters put it, mayhem was narrowly averted.


A YOUNG MAN named George drove his girl named Grace to a wonderfully secluded spot overlooking the ocean at Point Fermin the other night and, as they chatted about the weather and other things, she suddenly inquired suspiciously. "Say, how did you happen to find this place?"

"Oh." he replied. "I used to come up here with my buddy to watch the submarine races."

The people in the Middle East
Eat shish kebab at every feast,
They have no cows, no lowing herds,
They have no whey but lots of Kurds.
-G.L Ertz


AS EVERYONE who has ever applied for a job with the federal government knows, he must fill out a Form 57.

The other night a gal named Kathleen noticed the attendant in the powder room of a luxurious Hollywood saloon was hard at work on an official-looking form and asked, "Making out a 57?"

"No, ma'am," was the reply, "a 58."

Puzzled, Kathleen looked closer and -- sure enough -- it was a 58 -- a form 1040 for last year.


OVER A second cup of coffee a group of Hollywood writers were moaning about how dull things were and wondering what they might do to liven up the world a little, and one of them, MartinRagaway reports, said brightly, "Hey, why don't we park a Ford in Dinah Shore's driveway!"


April 16, 1959, Abby JUNE MAY BE Daily Month elsewhere, but a sign on the Great Western Livestock grounds off Atlantic Blvd. states clearly it is Daily Month. Perhaps it is an inadvertently typographical reminder to June brides to start checking on June grooms from the start...And a poolside sign at a Santa Barbara motel, BillLathan reports, states, "No laughter or other unnecessary noise." In other words, be grim when you swim.


MISCELLANY -- How would you like to be the announcer when the Five Keys, a vocal group, plays the Austerbaljarbio Theater in Reykjavik, Iceland, May 1-10?... Nice line by Jim Backus at the Hollywood Women's Press Club Men's Day lunch: "He had the personality of a cup of lard" ... No truth to the rumor. Bob Manners says, "that M. Chevalier will sing "Thank Heaven for Little Girls" as the theme music for "Lolita" when it is filmed ... Now don't forget, Dorris Hellman reminds, when Daylight Savings begins Sunday, April 26, it's "Spring forward, fall back"...Correction: It's people who cross the equator, not the international dateline, who becomeShellbacks.