Matt Weinstock -- April 1, 1959
April 1, 2009 | 4:00 pm
End of the TrailIt may take a generation or two -- and in the broad scheme of things what are a few years -- but writer Bob Schiller is confident of the inevitable demise of the TV western. The thought came to him when he took his children to a dentist. The doctors, technicians and receptionists were all dressed in cowboy outfits. The kids sat on saddles.
The masquerade, of course, is designed to distract them and dispel any silly notion that what the dentist is about to do to them will hurt.
Maybe it does. On the other hand, maybe it doesn't. And if it doesn't, let's look ahead. Can you imagine kids wanting any truck with cowpokes who come at them with pincers and drills?
A LADY WHO received an electric toaster for Easter has no use for it so she took it back to the store to exchange it for an electric frying pan, which she has wanted for a long time.
As she stood at the exchange counter she got the feeling the man there was not having one of his good days. And when he asked, "May I have your plate, please?" she had an impulse. As she fished in her purse for her charge plate she asked, "Upper or lower?"
Broke the ice.
That nine dollar tag
On the hat had a catch --
The gloves, shoes and bag
That the dress had to match.
-- CLIFF MACKAY
AS SHE awakened her second-grader at 6:30 a.m. for school, Mrs. Charles Perrill of Whittier announced "Time to get up! All the birds are up already!"
Little girl blue wondered why they got up so early. Her mother said, "Well you know, the early bird gets the worm!" Came the query, "What time do the worms get up?"
Which should make non-parents understand why parents sometimes wear a defeated look.
ST. PATRICK'S DAY is long gone but a gal named Helen still cherishes it. She drove her old black Chevrolet into a place advertising a free carwash for green cars that day. Noticing the new cars all around as she waited, she remarked, "My car is green with envy."
The attendant looked at it and said, "It sure is. One free carwash!"
QUOTE & UNQUOTE -- John J. Anthony, the TV problem solver, heard a woman waiting to be interviewed remark to her companion, "You don't have to have a brain to be stupid!" He's still reeling ... Sudden realization: Some of the new cars recall the classic line in the old song "Mr. Five By Five" that goes, "There's no way of knowin' if it's comin' or goin.' "
LITERARY NOTES -- Just finished reading Tennessee Williams' new play, "Sweet Bird of Youth." Again, for assorted deep South viciousness, ol' Tenn leaves nothing to the imagination ... The Saturday Evening Post's circulation is now more than 6,000,000, up from 4,702,000 in 1955. Its editorial comment: "More and more thoughtful people are turning to reading for the answers they want" ... Press release from Mad magazine states it is "from the padded cells of."
AT RANDOM -- So you think some people go overboard naming dogs? Steve Bilheimer of the Glendale Kennel Club, which will hold its spring all-breed show Sunday, recalls that when Charles Dickens, on a tour of the United States, was presented with a white terrier named Timber Doodle he changed it to Snittle Timbery ... Figuring the average motorist drives 12,000 miles a year and gets 15 miles to the gallon, the Auto Club estimates the amount of fuel it takes to fill a DC-8 jet would last a car owner 29.1 years. Fifteen miles to the gallon? What dreamers! ... On the freeways 5 p.m. is the rush hour. Stan Wood suggests bars which lower the price of drinks at that time should call it the lush hour.