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Matt Weinstock -- March 31, 1959

March 31, 2009 |  4:00 pm


Drinking Men

Matt_weinstockdA kindly barkeep named Al, who minds bottles in a downtown snake pit, shut off the juice the other day to an old friend named Mike. In so doing, he deplored Mike's disheveled condition and the evils of drink and said a few nice things about sobriety.

Mike listened impatiently, breaking in, as chided drunks do, with "yeh, yeh, yeh." Then Al made a mistake. Carried away with his own eloquence, he said he was not a drinking man.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Mike Asked.

Al couldn't think what it was, but Mike did. He recalled the time years before when Al had come home drunk and passed out and his wife had undressed him, put him to bed and hidden his clothes.

AWAKENING hours later, suffering horribly, Al had discovered he was locked in the room, his clothes were gone and his wife was at work.

Desperate, he got into one of her dresses, put on one of her hats and climbed out the window. He made it, shoeless, to a Temple Street bar where he gulped a quick restorative and procured a bottle, amid nasty comments from patrons, including Mike, about his lack of foundation garments.

"That was a long time ago," Al said. "You can't shame me." And he remained resolute in his refusal to pour one.

::

REMEMBER
the item here about the gal who got a jaywalking ticket and wondered if they'd take away her pedestrian privileges if she received five in a year? Well, she got another one and is worried. However, the way Frank E. Marlow hears it, they won't revoke your right to walk, they just take away your shoes.

::

NEIGHBORLY

The news from Tibet
Gives us reason once more to
Be glad Russia and China
Aren't what we're next door to

--RICHARD ARMOUR

::

POSSIBLY
there's some atavistic (where else can you get words like that for a dime?) meaning in it, Sparks Stringer doesn't know. All he knows is thatSibu, his long-legged acrobatic Burmese cat, disapproves of giklo , the mathematical equation for Einstein's unified field theory, which he has framed and hanging on his wall. For no apparent reason,Sibu keeps jumping at it and has brought it down three times, once breaking the glass.

::

FURTHER EVIDENCE
that things may be unraveling before our very eyes comes from Tom Kennedy, a pressman. On his lunch break he was soaking up the sunshine with some fellow workers near the 2nd Street entrance to this building when an elderly gentleman in a wrinkled suit stopped and asked if he might have a section of the paper Tom had been reading.

When Tom gave it to him he wrapped it around a book and said, "I wouldn't want to be caught carrying a book. Someone might accuse me of being an intellectual. It's a high crime these days, you know."

::

AT RANDOM --
There was a nice gesture at 7th and Olive on Good Friday. A bus pulled up behind a stalled car and not only the driver but several passengers got out and pushed ... And the Biltmore Coffee Shop menu Saturday listed "Fried San Fernando Easter Rabbit with Country Gravy, $2" ... Bob Boethals, writing in Westward, reveals that Charles Schulz, 36, creator of "Peanuts," now appearing in 380 papers, once flunked all his high school courses ... It's incidental, by the way that Charles Brown, the key character, is also the name of a Hit Parade tune ... GordonMacker , Santa Monica Independent columnist, a candidate for City Council there ... Sudden irrelevant thought: Do you suppose someone will write a song sometime with the title "I Disapprove of  You"?

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