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Paul Coates -- Confidential File, March 7, 1959

March 7, 2009 |  2:00 pm


Mash Notes and Comments

Paul_coates_5 "Dear Mr. Coates,

"Last week I bought, for 30 cents, some discarded material that was emptied out of a room that a man died in some time ago and I was surprised!

"One learns about a person by the type of things he leaves behind when he passes on.

"In this man's possessions, I found an 1882 American silver dollar and 14 cents in one sweep-up. I also found several books, writing paper, stamps, molasses, magazines and pencils and ink.

"My 50-cent investment brought me a $4.50 profit. That is good pickings.

"I also got a sweater and some candy bars and a raincoat.

John Drew Barrymore says he only had two Tonga Punches before his hit-and- run accident. Here's a recipe for Trader Vic's Tonga Punch:
Juice of 1/2 lime
1 1/2 ounces orange juice
3/4 ounce lemon juice
1 dash grenadine
1/2 ounce curacao
2 ounces light Puerto Rican rum

Blend in electric drink mixer with 1/2 scoop shaved ice. Pour into 14-ounce optic chimney glass. Decorate with fresh mint and a stirrer.
"Trader Vic's Bartender Guide," 1972

"Paul, I see where you were in the hospital recently. I hope that you're better now." (signed) Memphis Harry Lee Ward, P.O. Box 1963, Hollywood, 28.

-- I am. But if I take a turn for the worse, I'll call you and we'll work out a deal.

* *

"Dear Paul,

"On a brief visit of leading oilfields in the U.S., Naim Abdo, wealthy Saudi Arabian oil magnate, made his headquarters at the new Caravan Inn hotel in Bakersfield.

"He felt very much at home, he told manager Chuck Comstock.

"The authentic Middle East decor prompted this statement. Comstock escorted the potentate into the hotel's Oasis Room for dinner, when suddenly the Saudi Arabian stopped abruptly.

"'I must have them,' he exclaimed in broken English.

"Comstock looked around to see what he wished to take back to his native land.

"'I will give you a thousand riyals (the Saudi Arabian dollar) for the three of them,' he whispered almost breathlessly.

"Still puzzled, Comstock scanned the room carefully. What could it be that created the fire in his eyes?

"Well, Paul, you'll never guess. It was the three waitresses attired in harem-girl costumes! He wanted to buy them and take them home.

1959_0307_barrymore"Isn't that a kick?" (signed) Bill Dodge, Dodge-Heigh Public Relations, Beverly Hills.

--It certainly is. At today's prices, you'd be lucky to get one for a thousand riyals.

* *

"Dear Paul,

"Last week, after a careful tabulation, our accountant recorded that we had 300 rooms in the new, luxurious Thunderbird International Hotel.

"Our accountant is not one to be doubted. He is infallible!

"Nonetheless, upon re-tabulating yesterday, we found that we had only 299 rooms. Today again we had only 299 rooms.

"The only conclusion possible is, I'm afraid: ONE OF OUR ROOMS IS MISSING!" (signed) Marc Siegal, Thunderbird International Hotel, El Segundo.

-- You think you've got troubles. The new Caravan Inn in Bakersfield is short three waitresses.