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Matt Weinstock -- January 10, 1959

January 10, 2009 |  4:00 pm

Chinese Puzzle

Matt_weinstockd On a recent excursion to San Francisco, a Hollywood press party with TV executive Ted Galenter as host went to a Chinese restaurant. The food was wonderful but a writer named Jim didn't eat. He said he wasn't hungry.

Afterward the party went to a Chinese nightclub and in the swirl of music and dancing Galenter observed that an incredible repast, enough for half a dozen persons, had been placed in front of Jim at the far end of the table and he was eating.

Galenter called the waiter and asked who had ordered it. The waiter shrugged. Galenter asked him to inquire if Jim had ordered it.

THE WAITER WENT to the end of the table, said something, and Jim nodded in approval.

Next day, still puzzled, Galenter asked Jim, "How come you didn't eat that fine food at the first place and you ordered all that stuff at the second place?"

1959_0110_red_streak "I didn't order it," Jim replied, "I thought you did."

"No," Galenter said, "I sent the waiter over to ask and you shook your head."

"Now wait a minute," Jim said. "All he asked was 'Are you enjoying the show?'"

Inscrutable, those fellows.

* *

DURING THE recent American Physical Society meeting at UCLA a man came into the press room, announced he was a physicist from Greece and said, "I want an interview."

Tom Tugend, handling press arrangements, started to introduce him to reporters but the newcomer said, "No, no, I don't want to be interviewed -- I want an interview, for a job!"

* *


The writers of science fiction
Are daring in their depiction.
Logic says that we must doubt them
But where would we be without them?

* *

AT THE ANNUAL carpenters' picnic a man named Joe was having phenomenal luck at the games of chance, knocking down prize after prize -- until he came to the booth where the prize was a wooden hammer. Try as he might, he couldn't ring one with the hoops. The disappointment showed on his face so much that the booth attendant tried to comfort him by saying, "Just remember, Joe, you can't win a mall."

* *


its problems with drunks, too, Newsweek reports, and to curb them Mayor Takayama of Kyoto has devised a diabolical punishment. Tape recorders are being placed in jail cells and inebriates will be forced to listen to their own wild ravings the next morning.

Mike Molony, the Socrates of Spring Street, came upon an even more fiendish torture the other day in a downtown bar. Two gay blades were working on a friend who had overindulged.

"The best thing for a hangover," one said authoritatively, "is a hot buttered muscatel on the rocks."

"Only," the other put in, "if you add a cold pork gravy float."

* *

A COPY BOY, discussing the SC ban, made a man on the copy desk starkly aware that he was getting old.

"I've followed the Trojans all my life," the young boy said. "Even as a little boy I watched them on TV."

* *

FOOTNOTES -- The space-saving apartment-for-rent ads in another paper were lively the other day. One was, "$95, if decorate 3 crummy rooms w/character." Another, "$57.50. Clean Single Child" . . . Whenever Mattie Rae sees them bury another corpse on "Gunsmoke" she wonders if Marshal Dillon and Chester consider it duty of the beyond call . . . Bill Crago has to watch himself whenever he has to say "Internal Revenue" or it will come out "External." Mental block, aggravated by tax consciousness, he figures . . . Revised smile: As certain as death and taxes and automobile insurance going up.