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How to Get--and Keep--a Husband

August 29, 2007 |  8:00 am



Aug. 28, 1957
Los Angeles

If it's true that a woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle, then author Kate Constance wants every salmon to have a Schwinn. She's written a book on the subject, "How to Get and Keep a Husband," which is being serialized in the Mirror.

In Part 3, she asks: Are you made for marriage? And she cautions fish on the difference between getting a marriage proposal--and being propositioned.

Constance is blunt: "If you are 30 years old and aren't married, something is wrong. That something is not necessarily wrong with you. Perhaps it is in your environment or circumstances.

1957_0828_constance_pix "But very likely it is you--your attitudes, your personality, your objectives or your appearance."

Because for every fish that's ready for marriage, there is a bicycle waiting to be ridden, she says. But are you ready? Here's the Made for Marriage quiz:

1. Are you over 30? Are you having a pity party because you aren't married? Are you "drowning your disappointment in work, reading, all-girl activities and family interests?"

2. Do you have physical deficiencies? "If you are burdened with a deformity or defect, do you almost hate yourself for it and envy those who are happily married?"

3. Not have an education? Does your lack of learning keep you in a bad job and exclude you from situations where you might meet eligible men? Or do you avoid social situations because you are afraid you'll say something stupid?

4. Are you broke? Do you think that money will solve all your problems and do you envy people who have more than you?

5. Are you homely? "Is your face or your figure so unbecoming that you cringe when you look in the mirror?" Worse yet, do you think men make fun of your looks?

6. Are you a 5 in a world of 10s? Are you so fed up with trying to look good, feel good and be good that you want to give up and become a slob?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are not a fish who is ready for a bicycle!

Because many of the things you want so much don't matter to men, Constance says.

To be sure, she says, money, youth and a good figure get male attention. But more often than not, the fish won't get a marriage proposal--she'll get propositioned!

Constance warns: "Too many women, finding it difficult to win a husband, resort to every available physical means to arouse and satisfy the males they attract. In so doing, they destroy the very codes and standards they would prefer to live by." Or as Charlie Chan might say: "Girl who do everything under sun get everything sunburned."

And Constance says looks are less important than you imagine. Because regardless of what you think, a bicycle will ask a beautiful fish up to his apartment, but not down the aisle.

"Men shy from married life with a woman who is too good-looking, fearing that she may overshadow him, that she will prove to be selfish and spoiled, and that she may be unfaithful," Constance says.

"The sad truth is that a beautiful woman too often feels that character and personality are unnecessary, and that she has all she needs to get by--until age creeps up and takes her most precious asset."

And age is truly unimportant, Constance says. The problem is that some fish have an inferiority complex because they are over 30.

What do bicycles want from fish? "Emotional maturity, poise, considerateness, intellectual stimulation and efficient homemaking." None of which have anything to do with money, looks or age!

Her final advice: Be your better self.

[Note: In case there is any doubt, let me add: As with the horoscopes, this is for entertainment purposes only.--lrh]

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