How to fix the Dodgers disaster: Give the team a Hollywood makeover

I once went to a Dodgers game with a showbiz big shot who knew Frank McCourt, so we ended up sitting with Frank and Jamie in the owner's box. The most amazing part of the experience was walking around the stadium with McCourt, who was treated like visiting royalty, with his subjects -- the hot dog vendors and security guards and promotions staff -- all bowing and scraping, as if in the presence of a Sun God. Whenever McCourt asked how things were going, everyone said things couldn't be going better, which is what loyal retainers always say right up to the moment when the mob carries the king off to be beheaded.

McCourt hasn't gone to the guillotine yet, but the king has been dethroned. Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig announced Wednesday that baseball was taking control of the Dodgers, appointing a trustee to run the club because of "deep concerns" about the Dodgers' finances. My son and I went to Dodger Stadium Wednesday night with some friends for our first game of the year and it was quite a shock. For years, we've always obsessed about what side streets to take to approach the ballpark and fretted over the long lines of cars backed up at the stadium entrance.

But Wednesday night it was smooth sailing. Hardly any traffic, barely anyone in line at the entrance. When we grabbed our seats down the first-base line, it felt eerie to look around the park and see it half empty. The box-score Thursday said 29,473 tickets were sold, but there's no way that many people showed up. It felt like a ghost town. The Dodgers won the game 6-1 behind Jon Garland, who pitched a four-hit complete game -- sparing us the tsuris of being subjected to the Dodger bullpen -- but the stadium had a melancholy air, suddenly looking its age. It was like seeing a great actress, known for her youthful Broadway triumphs, reduced in late middle age to starring in a bad Neil Simon revival in a dumpy regional theater in Kansas City.

It may take many months, if not years, for MLB to install new Dodgers ownership. But from where I sit, what the Dodgers need is a Hollywood makeover. Like all sports today, baseball is really a form of entertainment, so why not find a showbiz entrepreneur who could right the sinking ship and provide some much-needed razzle dazzle? I thought I'd throw out a few possibilities, which might seem farfetched, but surely not as farfetched as the idea of Donald Trump running for president. Here goes:

Jeffrey Katzenberg

Good News: Full of infectious energy, a tireless promoter of his products, he'd bring a much-needed 10,000 volts of electricity to the team, not to mention convincing Vin Scully to let Tom Hanks sit in as his color man. 

Bad News: Everyone would have to wear 3-D glasses during the seventh-inning stretch and watch trailers for upcoming Dreamworks 3-D movies.

Jimmy Iovine

Good News: Anyone who can make Gwen Stefani a pop star and help stop the ratings slide at "American Idol" surely has the kind of magic touch needed to help save the Dodgers.

Bad News: Will have Lady Gaga on hand every night in a different outfit to sing "God Bless America."

Phil Anschutz

Good News: He already owns the Kings, the Galaxy and 30% of the Lakers, not to mention Staples Center. Why not make it a clean sweep?

Bad News: Hoping to finally get his money's worth from the lavish contract he gave to David Beckham, he may force Dodgers manager Don Mattingly to platoon Beckham in left field with Jerry Sands.

Ryan Kavanaugh

Good News: He'll take that crazy computer program he uses to help pick his movies and let it figure out who should be the Dodgers' closer.

Bad News: Will insist on center field landing rights for his helicopter.

Ron Howard

Good News: Grew up as a Dodgers fan, still knows every player's batting average and would give the team a much-needed fan-friendly front man.

Bad News: All the players would have to get a Brian Grazer hairdo.

Mark Cuban

Good News: He's the movie business' most avid proponent of new technology and has shown, via his ownership of the Dallas Mavericks, that he knows how to win games and successfully market his product.

Bad News: Judging from his ref baiting in the NBA, may get tossed out of more games than Matt Kemp and Davey Lopes combined.

-- Patrick Goldstein  

Photo: Jeffrey Katzenberg, left, with Tom Hanks at Game Two between the Los Angeles Lakers and the New Orleans Hornets. Credit: Mark J. Terrill / Associated Press

Super Bowl's true Hollywood moment: The best ad was NFL selling itself

There was hardly any real mention of it on Fox during the hours and hours of hype that accompanied that national holiday that is Super Bowl Sunday, but the NFL is girding for a horrific labor clash over a new collective bargaining agreement that could put the coming NFL season in jeopardy. So I guess it was no surprise that the NFL, which sees itself as a national institution that's too big to fail, put some serious muscle into presenting itself in the best possible light before the game began, running an astounding faux patriotic ad for itself, narrated by Michael Douglas, that cast the league as a hallmark of American values, second only to, well, maybe Clint Eastwood.

Called "The Journey," the short film put together by Fox Sports was a more effective propaganda vehicle than any of the much heralded car, beer and movie ads that normally grab our attention during the Super Bowl broadcast. It opened with a series of Americana images guaranteed to stir our souls, all symbolizing the perilous odyssey our country has traveled -- immigrants streaming past the Statue of Liberty, soldiers landing on Omaha Beach, the young John F. Kennedy Jr. saluting at his father's funeral, Martin Luther King Jr. orating at the March on Washington and rescue workers raising a flag at Ground Zero.

Then, oh, so gently, aided by a celestial choir, the visual images melted into a series of scenes of football triumphs, as Douglas cannily linked the pride we take in our nation's accomplishments with the rugged glory of the two football teams prepared to do battle. Or as he said: "Tonight, here we are, united, to see their journey. Two storied franchises, one founded by a shipping clerk ... the other named after the proud steel mills that forged this nation. Green Bay and Pittsburgh, where the game of football is in their blood. This is so much bigger than a football game. These two teams have given us the chance, for one night, not only to dream, but to believe."

OMG! If it had been a McDonald's commercial, we'd all be quietly appalled by the shamelessness of it all. If it were an ad for a Disney movie, we'd be insulted by the studio's chutzpah. But because it was the hallowed NFL, and we were all revved up for a brutal football clash, everyone in front of my TV set was raising a beer to the sky in a triumphant salute. I don't know exactly who came up with the brilliant idea for the ad, but I'm guessing that more than one GOP presidential aspirant who was watching turned to an aide and said, "Find out who cut that spot. Let's get them locked up for 2012."

The NBA finds better singers to do the National Anthem, Major League Baseball casts its World Series in a more nostalgic light, but when it comes to making itself feel like an irreplaceable part of the national fabric, no one casts a hypnotic spell like the NFL. Green Bay may have won the game, but it was the NFL, hand in glove with Fox Sports, that did the best job of burnishing its image.

--Patrick Goldstein

Photo: Super Bowl MVP Aaron Rodgers of the Green Bay Packers celebrates after winning Super Bowl XLV 31-25 against the Pittsburgh Steelers in Arlington, Texas. Credit: Kevin C. Cox / Getty Images

 

Super Bowl ad winner: Darth Vader and Volkswagen

 Super Bowl ads will be the highlight of choice for millions of viewers Sunday. You’ll see a lot of high production and fevered story-making crammed into 30 or 60 seconds. Some of it’s pretty good, but the one that will really grab you is one of the simplest--a little boy in a Darth Vader costume trying desperately to make the force his own.

Bucking the tradition of trying to wow 'em only on game day, Volkswagen posted the Vader ad on YouTube at mid-week. By Saturday night it had already rung up more than 11 million views, and it seemed to be gaining momentum as kickoff approached.

Several other car makers will also show spots Sunday, but the ad for the 2012 Volkswagen Passat will get inside people’s heads and stay there because it combines the iconic “Star Wars” character and a classic sentiment—a child’s desire to be larger than life. Somehow a simple sedan parked in the family driveway makes his wish come true.

The spot is one of two Volkswagen of America will show during the game. The other features an animated beetle, the creature, to highlight the Beetle, the car. On YouTube, where viewers vote with their clicks, the Beetle ad also drew a crowd, about 1.1 million by Saturday, but not nearly the throngs viewing the Darth Vader ad. The ad agency Deutsch Inc. gets credit for the great spots.

In contrast to the VW ads, other car makers will be laboring profusely to make their point--like summer blockbusters taking on a charming little indie pic. They meet varying degrees of success.

El Segundo-based David & Goliath has come up with a clever take for the Kia, with everyone from a cop to a billionaire, to a sea god to, well, you’ll see, going to extreme length to try to snatch possession of the Kia Optima.

PMK BNC offers an elaborate story to try to burst the bubble of one luxury brand, Mercedes-Benz, in favor of another, Audi. The 60-second spot has a couple of wealthy swells trapped in a prison of convention. When they make their jail break (they take their stuffed Dodo with them) the greatest threat is their starchy old habits.

That sets up a fun little kicker to the spot, involving Kenny G. But good luck getting viewers to pick up all the subtle details (in prison, the rich clink crystal; no tin cups raking across the prison bars) while they're pounding brew and dip at a Super Bowl party.

Kethcum, in contrast, tries to spread it’s message for Hyundai’s Sonata across three 30-second ads. The conceit is that we have been hypnotized into thinking compact cars can’t be special (part 1)  wowed with some graphics that show the unexpected can happen (part 2) and then showing that old, anachronistic  technology (a giant cellphone, a phonograph worn around the neck like an iPod) doesn’t have to be accepted.

All of the efforts are worthy. But the one you’ll actually want to see again is Volkswagen's, powered by the force of a tiny Darth Vader who tells a simple story, with a little body language and nary a word.

--James Rainey

Twitter: latimesrainey

 

Jay Cutler's shortcoming: not guts but failing to "act" gutsy

The case of Jay Cutler, the injured and viciously maligned quarterback of the Chicago Bears, renews the furor over injuries in pro football. It should cause sports journalists to rethink how they talk about players who decide they can no longer play.

The NFL, its players and its fans say they just hate the way their game maims and cripples the men who play it. They would do anything to prevent pro football from disabling  their Sunday heroes. Anything, that is, except forgiving a player who dares to admit he's too hurt to stay on the field.

Witness the vicious, immediate and relentless flogging that Cutler took over the weekend when a knee injury sent him out of the NFC championship game.

NFL veteran Derrick Brooks tweeted: “There is no medicine for a guy with no guts and no heart.” Jacksonville Jaguars running back Maurice Jones Drew accused Cutler of quitting and added, also via Twitter: "He can finish the game on a hurt knee. I played the whole season on one."

The former players who are regular NFL commentators might have a little more perspective, having seen the dark side of retirements marred by rubber knees and missing memories. Instead, the veterans piled on, preceded by disingenuous disclaimers about how they would never judge the severity of Cutler's injury.

Mike Golic of ESPN radio's "Mike and Mike in the Morning": "I would be screaming and scratching to get back on the field.” Former Bears' coach Mike Ditka, on the same program, said he “would have to be completely knocked out to come out of that football game."

But, oops, then came the news that Cutler had torn his medial collateral ligament or MCL. Considerably more than a boo boo. That's also an injury that no one, outside the injured player or a doctor, can assess with any certainty.

But "apologies" for the instant condemnation of Cutler were muted at best. Jones Drew tried to claim he had "never attacked him, called him soft or a sore loser. I never questioned his toughness. I think people took my joke out of context."

Sure. A lack of context--the refuge of many a scoundrel trying to duck responsibility for exactly what they said.

The irony is that sports journalists, led by ESPN, have done considerable reporting on the dangers of football injuries, particularly concussions. We now clearly understand that football veterans lose their memory, suffer seizures, and worse, from too many shots to the head.

At least a word of sanity on the issue came from former quarterback Ron Jaworski, another commentator who appeared on the "Mike and Mike" show, who said he had injured the same knee ligament as Cutler. "I sprained my MCL once," Jaworski told Golic and his sidekick. "I was the holder for a field goal and almost fainted from the sharp pain that went through my knee."

Where Cutler really failed was not hollering and preening about how much he wanted to play. Another ESPNer and former QB, Trent Dilfer, questioned Cutler's "mentality in this football game." What this meant, Dilfer explained, was: "The fact he didn’t show the fight to re-enter the game. The fact he didn’t show the demonstrative behavior that most players put in this situation would show if told they couldn’t go in the game.”

It wouldn't have hurt if someone in the booth, on the sidelines, or on Twitter had reminded everyone  about the long line of heroes who dragged themselves back into the game, only to hurt their teams with poor play and hurt themselves, worsening already serious injuries.

It turns out doctors and sports ethicists have a lot to say about how all this tough talk brings us to a place where 50-year-old men, their short NFL careers over, can barely walk or remember what they had for breakfast.

--James Rainey

Twitter: latimesrainey

Photo: Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler on the sidelines during the fourth quarter of the 2011 NFC championship game against the Green Bay Packers at Soldier Field. Credit: Jeff Hanisch / US PRESSWIRE

 

 

Ron Santo heads to the hall of fame in the sky

It's a sad day for all of us die-hard Cubs fans, hearing the news that Ron Santo has died of bladder cancer at age 70. Santo had a long and illustrious career with the Cubs, first as a clutch-hitting third baseman, more recently as a broadcaster, where he was a totem for all things Cublike, especially the lunatic optimism needed to remain a Cubs fan when it's been more than a century since we last won the World Series.

Santo was beloved not just for his upbeat nature, but for his tenacity, having battled diabetes for decades (forcing the amputation of his legs) before finally being felled by cancer. As a broadcaster, Santo was, well, pretty awful -- he often lost track of what was going on in the game and shamelessly rooted for the Cubbies, loudly moaning and groaning when our boys would drop routine fly balls or botch an easy double play, something they did with regularity. But you'd listen anyway, the way you'd listen to your favorite uncle telling whoppers about his Army days at the family Thanksgiving dinner.

Santo was easy to make fun of, because he'd often butcher the English language and stumble into slapstick situations, like the time his toupee caught on fire in the Shea Stadium press box when he got too close to an overhead space heater. But he was cherished because he wore his heart on his sleeve. If they made a movie out of his life, he'd be played by John C. Reilly, who exudes the kind of shambling, openhearted, easy-to-underestimate manner that gave Santo his Everyman appeal.

Saddest of all, Santo never got into the Hall of Fame, despite hitting 342 homers in 15 seasons and being one of the best third baseman of his generation. But he did get to see his jersey retired and hung on a flag on one of the Wrigley Field foul poles. I'm sure it's flying at half-staff today, because Santo might have worn No. 10 on his jersey, but he was No. 1 in our hearts. 

-- Patrick Goldstein

Photo: The Wrigley Field marquee pays tribute to Cubs legend Ron Santo after the nine-time All Star died Thursday in Arizona of complications from bladder cancer.

Credit: Charles Rex Arbogast/Associated Press

 

'Jews and Baseball': Ron Howard's a-ha moment with Sandy Koufax

As a Jew who has been a baseball fan his entire life, I guess I'm the perfect target audience for "Jews and Baseball: An American Love Story," which opens Friday at the Music Hall Theater in Beverly Hills and the Town Center in Encino. Narrated by Dustin Hoffman, the Peter Miller-directed film hits all of what you call the Hebe Highlights in this unlikely love affair -- providing profiles of Hank Greenberg, the first slugging Jewish superstar; Moe Berg, the Jewish catcher who was a spy for the OSS; Sandy Koufax, the Los Angeles Dodgers ace who didn't pitch Game 1 of the 1965 World Series because it fell on Yom Kippur; and Sean Green, the graceful outfielder who was such hot stuff (he hit more than 40 homers three different years in his career) that when he was traded to the Dodgers in 1999, every rabbi in town tried to woo him to join their synagogue. 

And yes, it shows a snippet from Dennis Leary's famous comic rant when he discovers that Boston Red Sox first baseman Kevin Youkilis, originally known as the Greek God of Walks, was actually Jewish. The film sometimes feels a little stodgy, especially because virtually all of the on-camera commentators are pretty long in the tooth, starting with Larry King, who bemoans for the 900th time the Dodgers departure from Brooklyn. On the other hand, I learned a few things I didn't know. First, that the earliest Jewish baseball players had to change their names, just like the Jewish movie stars did, because being named Cohen just wouldn't cut it with the blue-collar fans of the early 20th century. And second, that in 1954, when Jewish Cleveland Indians slugger Al Rosen -- who with his baby blue eyes and bulging biceps looked like a cross between Paul Newman and Popeye -- didn't put up the same spectacular numbers he did in his MVP season the year before, the heartless Indians general manager made him take a pay cut. The shocker? The cutthroat GM was none other than Hank Greenberg.

But wouldn't you know it, the best story in the film comes from filmmaker Ron Howard, who needless to say is about as Jewish as Arnold Schwarzenegger. As we learned from the Rosen incident, before free agency came along, ballplayers were the property of the team that had originally signed them, free to be bought, sold or traded at the team owner's will. That all changed when players association head Marvin Miller, who is also featured in the film, along with St. Louis Cardinals star Curt Flood, successfully challenged baseball's reserve clause, ushering in the era of free agency.

But back in the 1960s, players got paid what the owners decided they were worth. Finally, in 1966, Koufax and fellow Dodgers pitcher Don Drysdale, then two of the best in the game, decided to hold out, refusing to report to spring training. They were asking for a pittance by today's standards. But the Dodgers wouldn't budge. Howard was then a 12-year-old boy in Los Angeles and was better known as Opie, costar of "The Andy Griffith Show." A rabid Dodgers fan, Howard recalls being disappointed that Koufax, his favorite pitcher, was threatening to sit out the season.

But when he got out a pad and paper one day, Howard discovered that, lo and behold, he was making more money than the sainted Sandy Koufax. "I remember feeling something was just not right in the universe if a kid actor on a TV show could out-earn Sandy," he says in the film. So the next time you hear some loudmouth on a sports talk-radio show complain about how overpaid major leaguers are today, it's worth remembering that for the first 100 or so years of the game, even the best players in the game got paid less than a child actor. 

But I want to give the last word to another non-Jew: Drysdale. When Koufax went to temple instead of pitching the first game of the 1965 World Series, the starting assignment was given to Drysdale, who proceeded to get shellacked. When Dodgers Manager Walter Alston trudged out to the mound to take him out of the game, Drysdale quipped: "Right now I bet you wish I was Jewish too." 

Photo: Sandy Koufax, left, with Don Drysdale after the Dodgers beat the Milwaukee Braves 3-1 to win the National League pennant in 1965. Credit: Associated Press

The must-see 'Winning Time' headed for Sundance

With the Lakers taking on LeBron James and the Cleveland Cavaliers tonight, basketball junkies will no doubt be reliving all of the great NBA rivalries of the past, none more storied than the titanic mid-1990s clashes between the Reggie Miller-led Indiana Pacers and the Patrick Ewing-led New York Knicks. The two teams' rough 'n' tumble Eastern Conference playoff showdowns form the heart of the delightful new documentary "Winning Time: Reggie Miller vs. the New York Knicks," which makes its debut this weekend at the Sundance Film Festival. (For more Sundance coverage, see the 24 Frames blog.)

I'll be writing about it more later in the basketball season -- the film will air on ESPN in March -- but if you're going to be at Sundance, don't miss it. Directed by Dan Klores, who's carved out a name for himself making sports-oriented documentaries (including "Black Magic," a portrait of the early days of black college basketball), "Winning Time" does a great job of capturing the intensity of the tumultuous, often nasty rivalry between two heavyweight NBA franchises. Its focus is Miller, an impossibly skinny 6-foot-7 dead-eye jump-shooter who rose to especially astounding heights against the Knicks.

Perhaps his most legendary performance was in the 1994 Eastern Conference finals. Though they were decided underdogs, the Pacers stole a game from the Knicks at the Garden, thanks to Miller's heroics, which included his scoring 25 points in the fourth quarter to put the game away. The game became a cause celebre because Miller was clearly inspired by a taunting match with filmmaker Spike Lee, who was seated courtside, heckling Miller. However, after Miller buried the Knicks, it was Lee who briefly became the most hated man in New York, derided on the front pages of the New York tabloids.

"Winning Time" revisits all the drama, even offering a revealing interview with an unrepentant Lee, who still has the tabloid headlines framed on the walls of his office. Miller was often loathed by his rivals for his trash-talking -- even his sister, Cheryl Miller, a tremendous basketball player in her own right, freely admits that he was the world's most obnoxious baby brother. But like Kobe Bryant today, Miller was a clutch performer and a winner, which makes it all the more pleasing to see a film that does justice to his hard-court exploits.  

Watch one of Miller's great highlights, where he ended up scoring 8 points in 8 seconds at the end of a game to bury the Knicks:

Photo: Reggie Miller, left, and Patrick Ewing in 1995. Credit: Associated Press

'The Blind Side's' Hancock picks winners

Last Friday I asked "The Blind Side" writer-director John Lee Hancock to put on his prognosticator's cap and pick the outcome of some of the weekend's top college football games. After all, Hancock comes from Texas, the cradle of college football, where his brothers and dad all played ball. So if anyone's an expert, it should be him.

So how did he do? I was going to joke that he shouldn't give up his day job, but to be fair Hancock did about as well as any professional handicapper, picking five winners against four losses. For my money, his best pick was to go with lowly Vanderbilt against the top-ranked Florida Gators. Even though Vandy was a 32.5-point underdog, it hardly seemed like enough points to make up for Florida's powerhouse offense. But Vanderbilt managed to hold Florida to 27 points and beat the spread. Hancock also picked his alma mater, Baylor, to beat the spread against heavily favored Missouri. In fact, they won the game, making Hancock a winner too.

In the loss column, Hancock took USC but gave 11.5 points, which made him a loser, since USC beat Arizona State by only five points. And worst of all, he picked Texas A&M to cover the spread against Colorado, even though as a Baylor alumnus he has little love for the Farmers. It turned out that Colorado beat Texas A&M, 35-34, thanks to a one-handed catch by wide receiver Patrick Devenny in the waning moments of the fourth quarter, giving Colorado the victory and making Hancock a loser.

Overall, I'd still say it was a pretty solid performance. Hancock's film opens this weekend Nov. 20th, so I suspect he's hoping for even better numbers for "The Blind Side" at the box office, Hollywood's equivalent of football's weekly betting game. 

Photo: John Lee Hancock. Credit: Al Seib/Los Angeles Times.

Opening day: The Cubs always start the season undefeated

When it comes to opening day of the baseball season, I'm a lot like one of those old, beaten-down Willy Loman-style producers who always call me, telling me they're just one pitch meeting away from selling their labor of love project about the guy who invented invisible ink. Except I'm selling the idea that this will be the year the Chicago Cubs win the World Series. So far, since 1908, we're 0-101 in the winning the World Series department, but hope springs eternal.

 As I mentioned when I started this blog, we care deeply about the movie business and the media world, but we care even more about our beloved Cubbies, so you'll have to put up with occasional explosions of glee or misery during the baseball season. That would be the season that started today with the Cubs in Houston, playing the Astros, where -- as I write this -- the Cubs have the lead, thanks to home runs from Alfonso Soriano and Aramis Ramirez and stellar pitching from our ace, Carlos Zambrano. The newest Cub, Milton Bradley, also made a great off-his-shoetops catch in right field which turned into a double play, eventually nabbing a runner off second base. (That fans, is a rare 9-3-6 double play.)

Every Cub fan is holding his or her breath that Bradley, who was run out of Los Angeles after two unhappy seasons with the Dodgers, can stay healthy and hold his temper -- he is surely one of the few players to go on the DL after blowing out his knee arguing with an umpire. But he gives us the left-handed bat we lacked last year, when we ended up being shut down in the playoffs by the Dodgers' tough right-handed pitching. Yes, sir, there's nothing better than having a great left-handed bat in the middle of the lineup -- and nothing worse than being convinced that you are the victim of a vast conspiracy devoted to keeping your team from acquiring a good left-handed bat.

Which brings us to our opening day baseball video clip, a brilliant mash-up from "Downfall," Oliver Hirschbiegel's absorbing 2004 German drama about the last days of the Third Reich. This clip allows us to imagine Adolf Hitler as a long-suffering Cubs fan. I can't post the clip itself, since it contains a small amount of profanity, but you can watch it right here on YouTube. It definitely captures the misery of a 101-year-long baseball curse.

UPDATE: Cubs WIN! CUBS WIN! Final score: 4-2. That means 1 down, 161 to go.Go Cubs!

Spring training special: Hollywood's baseball all-stars

With Barack Obama in the White House, a new "Star Trek" movie only two months away, the World Baseball Classic starting up and everyone -- even Manny Ramirez -- having reported to spring training, all feels right with the world. We're even starting up our new Little League season at the Bad News Bears complex in West L.A., where my 10-year-old gets to play on what is surely the only Little League field in the world with a plaque dedicated to a Hollywood screenwriter -- Bill Lancaster, who wrote the original 1976 "Bad News Bears" film. (Lancaster, the son of Burt Lancaster, played ball on our Little League field when he was a kid in the late 1950s.) 

Hollywood has had a long love affair with baseball -- "Pride of the Yankees," "The Natural" to "Bull Durham" and "The Rookie" to name a few standouts. But instead of compiling the best baseball movies, Rootzoo blogger KoufaxSpahn has come up with a clever post assembling an all-star team of players from classic baseball movies, complete with Bill James-style assessments of their abilities. His all-time movie team's starting lineup includes Wesley Snipes' Willie Mays Hayes (from "Major League") batting leadoff and playing center field; Jackie Earle Haley's Kelly Leak ("Bad News Bears") batting third and playing left field; Robert Redford's Roy Hobbs ("The Natural") batting cleanup and playing right field; and Kevin Costner's Crash Davis ("Bull Durham") batting sixth and catching.

He also has a host of pitchers, with Brendan Fraser's Steve Nebraska ("The Scout") as a starter and Charlie Sheen's Rick "Wild Thing" Vaughn ("Major League") as his closer, along with Geena Davis' Dottie Hinson ("A League of Their Own") as a pinch-hitter. And who else but Tom Hanks' Jimmy "There's no crying in baseball" Dugan ("League of Their Own") as his manager. Hanks would have his hands full with all the flakes and troublemakers on this team -- which also features Tatum O'Neal's Amanda Whurlitzer (from "The Bad News Bears") pitching in middle relief -- but I'm sure he could handle it.

The whole roster is here -- but if you really want to get into the spirit, just watch this clip of Hanks' famous tirade, which concludes with the all-time greatest insult ever leveled at a baseball umpire: