The new 'Mission: Impossible' sequel: Could Paramount have picked a worse title?

Not that "Mission: Impossible 4" actually needs any more publicity, but Paramount threw together a news conference in Dubai with Tom Cruise and filmmaker Brad Bird to announce that the film has a new title, or more accurately, one of the worst-ever titles for a major movie sequel: "Mission: Impossible 4: Ghost Protocol." Yikes! I'm assuming the title has something to do with a key character or plot point in the film, but still -- with all the marketing brainpower behind that series, is that the best idea anyone could come up with?

Of course, when it comes to really awful sequel titles, "Ghost Protocol" has a lot of competition. For my money, when it came to bad titles, nothing compared to the 2008 installment of the Indiana Jones franchise, which was called "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull." Although many would argue that the last "X Files" movie moniker was pretty atrocious: "The X-Files: I Want to Believe." (If anyone can think of a real doozy that I've forgotten, please share.)

There are some real stinkers still on the way, notably "Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides," which makes the movie sound like some tacky ghost anthology show from the SyFy Network. In theory, a title is supposed to help define the image of a movie or somehow pique your interest in seeing it. But I can't see either of those things happening when I hear the title for the new Narnia sequel: "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader." I mean, why not just call it "Narnia 3" and be done with it?

Sometimes less is more. As far as I'm concerned, all you have to say is "Spider-Man 4" and I've got the point already. But in Hollywood, no one would ever dare leave well enough alone. I suspect the studios are already so embarrassed by the cobwebby and predictable stories they've cobbled together for these remakes and sequels that they feel obligated to put a little quasi-creativity into the movies' titles. But call it "Ghost Protocol" or "Midnight Rider," "M:I 4" is still giving us the same old, same old. As Barack Obama so memorably put it during the 2008 campaign, describing a political opponent who was promoting old ideas in a new fashion: "You can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig."

Photo: Tom Cruise at a news conference in Dubai for his new film, "Mission: Impossible: Ghost Protocol."

Credit: AFP/Getty Images  

Comments

[Natasha]

It's not called "Narnia 3" because it's based on a book, idiot.

[Danthrax]

Ghost Protocol sounds intriguing...it's certainly not a contender for "worst title."

But you're really off the mark concerning The Voyage of the Dawn Treader! Dawn Treader. Dawn Treader. It's a beautiful name for a sailing ship, and the story of its voyage is one of the most beloved of the Narnian Chronicles. The Voyage of the Dawn Treader: euphonic bliss!

[Steven]

I like the title

[Alisa]

I agree with most of this titles being pretty horrible. But The Voyage of the Dawn Treader is actually the name of the book so that one actually makes sense.

[Hwy 61]

You are incorrect when you suppose that studios are embarrassed about their rickety movie plots. Movie studios are not embarrassed about anything, only chagrined when it doesn't earn money.

[RealisticExpectations]

"Voyage of the Dawn Treader" is the name of the CS Lewis Narnia novel upon which that movie is based. Hence why it has that title.

[NS]

How can you not mention the incredibly catchy "Star Wars: The Phantom Menace" ...

[Bob]

ummm.... The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader is the name of the book....

sorry to disrupt your delicate nature by having a movie refer to the actual piece where it was taken

[Colin]

"Ballistic: Ecks v. Sever"

[David Konow]

Seems like DARK is the big word these days, just like RISE, (DARK of the Moon, DARK Knight Rises), just like back in the '90's everything was HARD (HARD Rain, etc.). Seems like people put about ten seconds of work and effort into titles these days. What about these really simple one word titles like FIGHTING, what's the new movie with the Rock and Billy Bob Thornton that's called FAST or something like that? Guess nobody wants to put any effort into a good catchy title, or studios thinks audiences are too dumb to get anything beyond a 2 year old's comprehension.