Hollywood crazy talk: The week’s biggest whoppers!

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There’s a great old Mose Allison song called ‘Your Mind Is on Vacation, But Your Mouth Is Working Overtime’ that pretty much captures what happens when people in show business, either through sheer pathological cluelessness or plain old blind arrogance, say incredibly, outrageously dumb things, oblivious to just how idiotic they sound to the naked ear.

I thought it would be fun to collect some of the biggest whoppers of the week, present them for your consideration, and let you weigh in on which remark seems the most preposterous.

We have so many worthy candidates, but here are a few doozies (with some reaction of my own):

Asked to answer Megan Fox’s charge that he didn’t present her with any acting opportunities in the new ‘Transformers’ film, director Michael Bay said: ‘You roll your eyes when you see statements like that. I 100% disagree with her. Nic Cage wasn’t a big actor when I cast him, nor was Ben Affleck before I put him in ‘Armageddon.’ ‘

Comment: Talk about an eye roller! Nic Cage wasn’t a big actor before he met Michael Bay? No, he’d only won a best actor Oscar (for ‘Leaving Las Vegas’) and worked with everyone from Francis Coppola to the Coen Brothers. And Ben Affleck. Oh yeah, he’d already been in ‘Good Will Hunting,’ which earned seven Oscar nominations (with Affleck taking home an Oscar for writing the screenplay with Matt Damon). Judging from their post-Bay career trajectory, I’d argue that neither guy ever recovered from working with Mr. Transformers.

Defending his client’s mega flop ‘Imagine That’ this week, Eddie Murphy’s publicist Arnold Robinson told the New York Times that the movie was not a failure at all, saying, ‘Paramount Pictures will make money on ‘Imagine That’ when all is said and done, because it was not an expensive film to make.’

Comment: It’s one thing to stick up for your client. It’s another thing to take a flying leap off an 80-story building without a parachute. As the Times pointed out, Wall Street analysts have already said the movie was such a disaster that the studio may forced to take a write-off because of its dismal performance. If you’re a good publicist, when forced to choose between credibility and loyalty, pick credibility every time.

Although she was supposedly a good friend of Michael Jackson, Liza Minnelli told CBS’ ‘The Early Show’ that Jackson’s autopsy results won’t be pretty, saying, ‘All of us who knew him well really know what he was like. And I’m sure that now the accolades are going, and I’m sure when the autopsy comes, all hell’s going to break loose.’

Comment: With friends like that, who needs enemies? It almost sounds like Liza is relishing the notion of Jackson being dragged through the dirt. Divorced four times, in and out of the tabloids for years for all sorts of erratic, truly strange behavior, Minnelli is the last person who should be tastelessly talking trash about Jackson’s messy private life and drug-related problems. Liza, all I can say is: It takes one to know one.

So you decide: Who wins the whopper of the week?