Chuck Lorre on Oscar movies: Is suicide really painless?

Once you become a devotee of a Chuck Lorre TV show, as I've become of "The Big Bang Theory," (thanks to my 10-year-old son, who is now clearly the family's resident hipster), you realize that one of the unexpected benefits of TiVo-ing a Lorre show is watching the vanity card, which usually includes a production company logo, that concludes each episode. Only on screen for a second, but easy enough to freeze-frame for further study, Lorre's vanity card -- which comes at the end of the credits -- offers slyly satiric observations about topics close to the soul of Lorre, who is one of network TV's resident geniuses, having created "Dharma and Greg," "Two and a Half Men," "Cybill" and, most recently, the delightful "Big Bang Theory."

Sometimes they are pithy, as in the recent message: "I believe that inherent within the God-given right to the pursuit of happiness, is the equally God-given right to the pursuit of unhappiness. That is why I support gay marriage." Sometimes they are hilariously insincere, as with a recent letter to George Lucas (who'd recently been mocked on "Big Bang"), which thanked him for his astounding body of work but ended by saying: "In closing, we are all looking forward to 'Indiana Jones 5 -- The Curse of the Golden Catheter.' Oops, sorry again."

Having been named the 20th "Smartest Person in Television" by the strangely list-obsessed Entertainment Weekly, Lorre responded by musing about the 19 people in TV ahead of him: "Now I'm just thinking out loud here, but if something were to happen to those 19 people, if say, they were to, one by one, have horrible accidents, or mysteriously disappear, then that would make me, ipso facto, the No. 1 smartest person in television. Then I'd just have to keep an eye on No. 21, Christina Wayne, senior VP of original programming at AMC, who looks like the kind of woman who would stop at nothing to move up a spot."

Lorre clearly wields a lot of clout, but that hasn't stopped the stuffed shirts at Viacom, which owns CBS (which airs "The Big Bang Theory") from occasionally refusing to air a vanity card that makes fun of someone more important, like Viacom czar Sumner Redstone. (Though Lorre has enough juice to let you know he's been silenced.) Thankfully, Lorre can post the censored material on his website, such as a recent "letter" he sent to Redstone, inspired by the news of the 85-year-old mogul's impending divorce. It goes, in part:

"Dear Sumner,

Just saw that you're single again. I'm sorry, dude. Love hurts. I too have have recently returned to being the loneliest number. Which got me to thinking that maybe you and me could hang out, you know, hit some clubs, chat up the ladies. I've gotta believe you'd make a killer wingman... I also saw that you're going through a little tough time in the ol' money department. Not to worry. The drinks are on me. You can tip the waitress ... if you promise not to marry her!"

OK, OK, so what about the Oscars? As it happens, the vanity-card message from this week's "Big Bang" isn't just funny -- it did a better job of explaining why Oscar movies have devolved from mass entertainment to fringe esoterica than any long-winded analysis from all of us professional media observers. Noting that every trade magazine Oscar ad begins with the words, "For your consideration," Lorre "considers" the awards-season films he's watched so far, complete with merciless plot summaries (I'm leaving out a few that include spoilers). They include "Milk" ("A well-meaning guy is shot to death by a homophobe"), "Doubt" ("A really mean nun accuses a really terrific priest of being a pedophile") "Changeling" ("A woman's son is abducted and the police put her in an insane asylum") and "The Reader" ("Nazi atrocities, under-age sex and illiteracy prove to be a lethal combo").

Lorre ends by saying: "So, what am I considering? Well, for a moment or two I actually considered hanging myself. But then I thought, if I do that, the movies win."

Photo: Anacleto Rapping / Los Angeles Times

Comments

[Dan Dassow]

I wish to thank you for posting the Vanity Card from the January 12, 2009 episode of “Big Bang”, it showed up as censored when it was broadcast. Have you played rock, paper, scissors, lizard, Spock, yet?

[PCM]

Gosh, I tried to watch his shows, but they made my teeth hurt. And now that I've read his pithy vanity cards I think you missed the squared (to the second power) symbol above his #20 genius rating. And the fact that you log roll his reputation makes me think there's a 10th power above your #18 top L.A. critic/writer/blogger rating.

[mike]

Viacom doesn't own CBS anymore (they split off in 05). Redstone has controlling interest of CBS via National Amusements (thought NA does have controlling interest of Viacom, Viacom and CBS are no longer related).