EHarmony to offer same-sex matches after New Jersey settlement*

Coming soon to EHarmony -- Adam and Steve.

The Pasadena-based dating website, heavily promoted by Christian evangelical leaders when it was founded, has agreed in a civil rights settlement to give up its heterosexuals-only policy and offer same-sex matches.

EHarmony was started by psychologist Neil Clark Warren, who is known for his mild-mannered television and radio advertisements. It must not only implement the new policy by March 31 but also give the first 10,000 same-sex registrants a free six-month subscription.

"That was one of the things I asked for," said Eric McKinley, 46, who complained to New Jersey's Division on Civil Rights after being turned down for a subscription in 2005.

The company said that Warren was not giving interviews on the settlement. But attorney Theodore Olson, who issued a statement on the company's behalf, made clear that it did not agree to offer gay matches willingly.

"Even though we believed that the complaint resulted from an unfair characterization of our business," Olson said, "we ultimately decided it was best to settle this case with the attorney general since litigation outcomes can be unpredictable."

The settlement, which did not find that EHarmony broke any laws, calls for the company to either offer the gay matches ...

... on its current venue or create a new site for them. EHarmony has opted to create a site called Compatiblepartners.net.

Warren had said in past interviews that he didn't want to feature same-sex services on EHarmony -- which matches people based on long questionnaires concerning personality traits, relationship history and interests -- because he felt he didn't know enough about gay relationships.

McKinley, who works at a nonprofit in New Jersey he declined to identify, said that he had originally heard of EHarmony through its radio ads. "You hear these wonderful people saying, 'I met my soul mate on EHarmony.' I thought, I could do that too," he said.

But he couldn't. When he tried to enter the site, the pull-down menus had categories only for a man seeking a woman or a woman seeking a man. "I felt the whole range of emotions," McKinley said. "Anger, that I was a second-class citizen."

But instead of just surfing over to a dating site that admits gay lonely hearts, he contacted the New Jersey civil rights division to file a complaint.

The settlement also calls for EHarmony to pay $50,000 to the state for administrative costs and $5,000 to McKinley.

McKinley hasn't found the man of his dreams yet. And though EHarmony has to offer him a year's free subscription on the new service, he's not sure he'll accept it.

"They are going to know my name," McKinley said. "They could be watching my membership."

-- David Colker

Photo: EHarmony founder Neil Clark Warren in 2005. Credit: Gary Friedman / Los Angeles Times

* UPDATED at 3:24 p.m. with the name of the website EHarmony plans to launch for same-sex dating.

Comments

[Get Real]

"The message is clear DISCRIMINATION WILL NOT BE TOLERATED AND GAY PEOPLE WILL NO LONGER WAIT FOR YOU TO LEARN TOLERANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

You are confusing tolerance with acceptance and approval. You are already tolerated, but you're trying to force people to like and approve of you, which you have no right to.

Unfortunately for you, the freedom of religious expression is protected by the constitution. Your right to shove your lifestyle in everyones face is not.

And if gays continue their current thuggish and fascistic behavior that is based on lies (sorry, until two men can get together and have a baby all by themselves, there is no right to make society pretend your relationships are equivalent to heterosexual relationships) , as I was saying, if gays continue their current thuggery and fascistic behavior, I really do fear that you will be reminded what intolerance actually is.

You are a spoiled brat. Grow up.

[Truth]

I would have closed the sight down instead of allowed what I did not beleive in to happen. E-harmony has no morals, just like the devils advocate who thinks minorities, women, or equality have no venues on this land, I really hope he has no children for he may teach them the same digust his parents only showed him. How sad to think that just because you are white you think you are better, I know youre breath stinks in the morning like everyone's else. You have no clue how pathetic you are. Your god if he says only you are right,SUX the big one...

[Lesle Ledden]

I get very tired of ANY group that FORCES another group to accept them and make concessiaons for them.
Why not start a high-class dating site LIKE Eharmony that caters to homosexuals and their special needs. And why not have a founder, or psychiatrist in charge of it to be sure the questionaire covers the special needs and concerns of a homosexual relationship.
I would like everyone to find that special person, regardless of their sexual orientation, but I really don't think it's fair to make an entire corporation change the way it does business just so a certain group of indivuiduals can join.

[Bian]

"Americans wouldn't allow matchmaking websites to discriminate on the basis of race or religion..."

The author of this statement is a constitutional illiterate. There are such sites - owned and operated by private concerns - and they are legal.

[Jim Fox]

This is just the beginning America. You wiil not recognize YOUR country 4 years from now! The White House, the Congress, but most importantantly the LIFETIME appointments to the Supreme Court. The precedents have been , and continue to be , set. We are being given a chance to choose a direction for the future......

....choose wisely. John3:16

[tina]

"other websites don't discriminate based on religion or race" I beg to differ. There are dating sites out there for just Jews and I am sure there are others that "discriminate" so that people can find things in common.
Well, if you don't like it ...just sue.

[Keith]

I don't understand this. as a private business, doesn't eharmony have the right to choose its clientele? why should it be forced to offer a same-sex dating service? the company was founded on providing matches to straight men and women through matches based upon its compability studies. why should it have to revamp its original intent to cater to a bunch of crybabies? there are plenty of gay dating sites, why can't the gays be satisfied with them?

[freedom]

It has nothing to do with discrimination, it has to do with the government taking control over private businesses. I do not discriminate against anyone, I believe if any one should be angry it should be the nativie americans, all americans took thier land regardless of what we gave them, they still had no choice, and that is what america is all about choice's. I do believe in the american dream and people have a right to run thier business the way they like. If a majority of people do not believe in the business, then do not patronage it , if you feel you want a business just for gay's then start one, no one is stopping you!!!! But stop trying to control everyones business and telling them how they need to run it. If you want to run a business, put up the money and the time it takes to get one started . A business owner

[Ryan]

I grew up in a "liberal" area, attended a Liberal Arts college with an active gay community, live in an even more liberal area now and have never once felt that homosexuals were "cramming their lifestyle" down my throat, as the disheartened homophobes so often cite. I have been allowed to go about my regular, heterosexual business free of any interference whatsoever. How can anyone justify not allowing gay folks to do the same? Honestly, in what way are you being asked to embrace a "gay agenda" except to not give up the privilege you've long had to demote these folks to an inferior social class and legal standing? Yes, you are being asked to treat them as human beings with inalienable rights. Yes, you are being asked not to discriminate against them. It's not "cramming" and it's certainly not pandering.

Some of you need to take a long, hard look in the mirror and figure out if perhaps you should be questioning some of the "wisdom" your parents or grandparents handed down to you.

[Jerry Mungo Jr]

Well, I saw this coming for eharmony, Look people the only way you can find your true match is to find them yourself. It isnt about religion, rights, or equality. Who cares what people think, Its all about what you believe in and I believe in the Bible. Judge not least ye be judged, for in the measure ye judge ye shall be judged also. True Christians hate the sin and not the sinner. Wake up people there are too many fake Christians out there already.

[Tom]

All of those that believe that E-harmony should be allowed to discriminate against gays because it is a private business - does that mean that the local grocery store should be allowed to ban gays from shopping in their store?

[Frank]

This is like going to a vegetarian restaurant and asking for a porterhouse. This has never been a "civil rights" issue. As with "gay marriage", it's not about equal rights as much as it is about changing the definition of marriage. Homosexuals have always had the right to marry, so long as they marry one person of the opposite sex. It's not like Jackie Robinson was asking to add a 4th strike: he just wanted to play. That is the difference.

[Ralph S.]

It's wrong--it's wrong--it's wrong! The NJ div. on Civil rights can go to hell! To force a Company to change policy for some cry baby loser gay man just shows how screwed-up we are becoming in this Country! God sees all and We are running out of time to get back to common sense.

[Teddy]

"We will be made to pay for the look of horror in the eyes of the young man's father when he first realizes his son is gay."

I hope that you never have any children who realize they're gay, for their sakes. It would be horrible for them, growing up in a household where their father is disgusted because -- through no choice of their own -- his children are homosexual.

[Cam]

John S. said ""This has nothing to do with "civil rights" for gays. It is not about tolerance. It is about rubbing homosexuality in the face of everyone who does not endorse it. If we don't pander to the idea that homosexuality is yummy-yum-yum good then we must be humbled. ""
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Oh get over it, somebody signing on to e-harmony to find a boyfriend isn't rubbing homosexuality in your face. In fact you will never even know that he is on the site...unless you yourself sign on to the Men for Men section. What this sounds more like is that you are annoyed that one of the last groups you can discriminate against is fighting back. If the site has not allowed Asians for example, don't tell me that you think nobody would have complained. Don't worry your cute little bigoted head. There are PLENTY of other groups you can discriminate against. Perhaps Vegetarians, or fat people. There, does that make you feel better?

[Aaron]

Can I sue Petsmart for not selling accordions?

[Be Nice]

>> The homosexuals DO have their own dating websites to go to.

Oooh, separate but equal, anyone? That always works well to bring societal factions into harmony.

Why couldn't some entrepreneural-minded gay person just create a same-sex version of eHarmony? I guess it's easier to sit on your ass and whine about being oppressed and use the court system to coerce a private company into pandering to your "lifestyle choice"

[AxelDC]

How long would a personal matching site last that refused to allow Jews on their site? What if the founder said, "I just don't know enough about Judaism?"

After all, being Jewish (or Christian or Atheist or Muslim) is a CHOICE! Why should we protect the rights of people who have obviously made a CHOICE to be Jewish?

[Linda]

Hmmm...I wonder if I, as a female, would look for my soulmate on a gay matchmaking site...would I find HIM??? Probably not, because it's a gay site which discriminates against heterosexuals.

It frustrates me how equal rights are so one-sided. Minorities of all sorts can exclude white Protestants, but the white Protestants are forced, often by law, to accept minorities. It's quite unfair.

Tom, the real question is should a vegetarian grocery store be forced to carry meat products?

[Jennifer Lowe]

That is what will happen when people try to corrupt the Constitution.

[David]

So, who wants to sue the homosexual dating sites that don't offer services for heterosexuals? eHarmony is a privately-owned company. The fact that they would be forced to do something they do not want to do is ridiculous. Why is it that we force private companies to do things against their will these days? Leave businesses alone!

[scott]

So if I'm Hindu and own a vegetarian restaurant, are you going to sue me and force me to start serving steak?
I guess I'm discriminating against those who prefer meat because of my own personal beliefs and preferences.

Should a Muslim be forced to serve alcohol? Should a Jew be forced to keep his business open on the sabbath so as not to discriminate against those who want to shop on Saturday? You are forcing this Christian man to sell a product he believes is in conflict with his relationship with God.

This should be a wake up call for all Americans, straight or gay. Your rights are being taken away piece-by-piece by these extremists.

[Beren]

---
How long would a personal matching site last that refused to allow Jews on their site? What if the founder said, "I just don't know enough about Judaism?"
---

Why not? If someone wants to set up a dating service for Muslims or Hindus, more power to them!

Look, no where did EHarmony say that gay people weren't allowed to use their services. However, there is no guarantee that they have to provide every service that someone might want. Like people have already said, it is like forcing a vegetarian restraunt to sell steaks, or forcing Chick'Filet to sell hotdogs.

If I were a gay man or a straight woman and walked into a strip club and only saw females stripping, would that give the the right to sue? Or should I just go down the street to the club with male dancers?