Fake Steve Jobs stands down, real Dan Lyons stands up for comedy
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He’s no longer crank-calling old Agent Sculley, penning odes to the iPod or giving shout-outs to the Yelptards.
The tech world’s most infamous multiple personality has developed a new one. Fake Steve Jobs has officially morphed into the Real Dan Lyons after ditching his old gig at Forbes for his new one at Newsweek.
Who woulda thunk that the real Dan Lyons would be as funny as the Fake Steve Jobs?
On Steve Wozniak and the contention that he never had sexual relations with Kathy Griffin: ‘Incredible. My iPhone just rang and I picked up and it’s Woz. He goes, ‘This is Steve Wozniak. You think I am a fat, lazy billionaire who cuts the line at Apple stores and hasn’t done anything serious with my life since 1982, and I think you’re a (bleep) stain on the underpants of journalism. So can we talk?’’
On Google not getting killed by Cuil, a new search engine launched to negative reviews by some former Googlers: ‘Just picked up my office phone and it’s Sergey Brin, who says: ‘This is Sergey Brin. You think I’m a spoiled hypocritical billionaire who talks smack about energy conservation while commuting to strip bars in a jumbo jet, and I think you’re an argument for making abortion retroactive. Am I catching you at a bad time?’’
On the on-again, off-again, on-again, off-again rumors reported by TechCrunch that Digg is being bought by Google: ‘My Skype just buzzed, with a call from a name I didn’t recognize, and I picked up and it was Kevin Rose of Digg. He goes, ‘This is Kevin Rose. You think I’m a self-absorbed Lothario who is secretly only 17 years old and who once bragged to BusinessWeek about being worth $60 million even though I didn’t have a dime, and I think you’re a parasitic lowlife who should be mopping booth floors with your tongue at the Lusty Lady in North Beach. Could I bend your ear for a moment?’’
The latest post is plucked from TMZ.com and captures John Mayer giving tech support to his dad by cellphone (‘Don’t give up! Don’t give up!’).
Fair warning: The real Dan Lyons is no less profane than Fake Steve Jobs.
Namaste.
-- Jessica Guynn