Sundance celeb-scribe Howard A. Rodman on the Tao of swag

[Ed. note — Screenwriter Howard A. Rodman arrives in Park City on Friday with not one, but two produced films at the festival, Austin Chick's "August" and Tom Kalin's "Savage Grace." We asked him to file a little something to our fitful blog before his Los Angeles departure, and he obliged. -- SC]

In the way that the first robin can be a harbinger of spring, so the arrival of the season's first swag tells us that Sundance is just around the corner. Mine came 10 days ago. It was an invitation to one of the many Lounges of Sundance. But the invitation, in and of itself, would have been just an invitation, had it not been accompanied by a gift: thank you for receiving this invitation! The gift in this case was a chewy crunchy bar.  [I.  Eat.  Your.  Crunch. Bar. (Slurp!)  I eat it up!]

The Tao of Swag is that anyone who wants it, shouldn't get it; that anyone who needs it would just defile it.  (Then it wouldn't be swag, would it?).  Swag only goes to those with no desire for it.  And to induce you to further swag, here's a small gift, a token, if you will, of our generosity.  We'd so much like it if you considered taking our gifts first--before accepting those other, lesser gifts.

Museums these days are but front end to gift shops. (Churches too: Have you been to the new one downtown?) And Festivals are ultimate sorting boxes: efficient machines for separating Elect from Preterite. If you're chosen, you will be gifted; if you are not chosen, you will leave this world as you entered it.

In one of the Sundance films I wrote, "August," a character gives out gifts to celebrate the success of his dot-com start-up. Not just any gifts: that would be crass. But Buddhas. The gift of enlightenment.  Even then, though, there's an A-list Buddha (large) and a B-list Buddha (not so large). Because even enlightenment doesn't really work unless it comes in at least two sizes, one for the very special clients, one for the rest of us. The true purpose of swag is to make you wonder whether, just down the street, someone else isn't getting better swag, at a swag suite just a bit too exclusive for you to gain admittance to. 

But to every thing there is a season. Just as summer follows spring, soon, after Sundance, after the Grammys, after the Oscars, we just might enter a season when all of us, even the most special and wonderful and talented and astonishing among us, will have, in small ways, to fend for themselves. As Bob Dylan didn't quite say, "Even the president of the United States sometimes must have to pay retail."

-- Howard A. Rodman

Comments

[Jack]

Headline-'SIENNA GIVES LAP DANCE TO CANNES JUDGE SEAN PENN TO GET NOMINATED FOR AWARD'.

Stinky Sienna a bit off yellow id say!

[sheigh]

Headline: Crazy famous Paris Hilton and Britney-aware commenter "Jack" leaves tell-all scoop on Sundance blog!!

[Seth]

Ha! Well-done. I'd congratulate you for the "There Will Be Blood" joke, but sadly you are NOT the first person to have made one. The comedian Doug Benson was at Largo the other night and did a great Daniel Plainview impression that absolutely killed. He rightfully noted that that was the one venue in the world where a comedian could do a bad impression of a serious line from a serious movie and get laughs. Enjoy your time, and your swag.