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T.J. Simers: Don't be fooled -- Vin Scully is a troublemaker

September 15, 2011 | 11:29 am

Simers-mug_100 Now, I know all you folks are the right kinda people. I’m gonna be perfectly frank.

Would you like to know what kinda conversation goes on at home?

That’s right, it is time someone call out Vin Scully.

Well, either you’re closing your eyes to a situation you do not wish to acknowledge or you are not aware of the caliber of disaster indicated.

The guy is a true blue rabble-rouser.

I’m telling you, ya got Trouble, my friend, and that’s spelled with a capital T, and I wouldn’t be surprised later to learn Vin Scully has a pool table in his home.

I don’t know how he does it. It’s like Major League Baseball has these games scripted and Scully gets an early read and chooses to give away the ending.

He had Arizona’s Gerardo Parra pegged as the bad guy almost before Arizona came to town this week, singing Parra’s praises as he does and the hometown kids having no choice but to get irritated.

You might say, “Come on, they can’t hear him, so no harm, no reason for a bean ball.’’

But you know who is listening to Scully at home with the younglings? That’s right, the wives of the Dodgers' players, the husbands coming home from another night of defeat and hearing it from the wives.

Maybe you and I might tell the wife she’s nuts if she starts yapping about Dr. Phil and what he has to say.

But if the big woman is quoting Scully, there’s no way you can shut her up.

And so this week began with Parra doing a number on the Dodgers, Scully predicting as much while calling him the best eighth hitter in the lineup in baseball.

You would have thought Parra was the slam dunk choice for MVP honors after Scully got done singing his praises, and I’ll remind you that’s Trouble with a capital T.

So the guys go home to the wives, return to the park Tuesday and start yelling at Parra from the dugout. They’re really irritated and Scully is talking up Parra and sounding like ragtime shameless music that’ll grab the women at home with the arms of a jungle animal instink! Mass-staria!

Friends, the idle brain is the devil’s playground, everyone shutting down everything to sit back and listen to Scully.

People: Trouble, oh we got Trouble.

The Dodgers have gotten beaten all season long, and they never yell from the dugout.

But now they just can’t stand Parra, Dodgers’ reliever Hong-Chih Kuo going high and tight with a pitch to let Parra and Scully know they aren’t happy.

Parra then hit a home run, Scully looking directly into his microphone to let the wives know at home Parra was getting the best of their husbands.

Parra scores the winning run in extra innings, giving Scully extra time to rabble rouse, the wife already a little irritated because she’s had to stay up late waiting for the husband to come home from the park.

So what happens Wednesday?

Clayton Kershaw cracks. He’s as nice a kid as anybody, the kind you would never find loafin’ around the Hall or starting to memorize jokes from Capt. Billy’s Whiz Bang.

No idea what that means, but I suspect Scully does, and maybe even sings along on the ride to the park.

Anyway, Kershaw goes crazy. He’s trying to win his 19thgame, a Cy Young and he risks it all to plunk Parra.

I don’t know if you heard it, but I think I did -- A bunch of women shouting in unison: "About time."

The whole thing, of course, has been choreographed by L.A.’s very own Music Man, the words rolling melodically out of his mouth like no one else.

For years he’s gotten away with this, years and years.

Heed the warning before it’s too late! Watch for the telltale sign of corruption! The moment Scully starts talking up someone on the other team, you can bet the Dodgers are in terrible, terrible trouble, because they’re going to have go home and hear it from the wives.

And all the time he’ll just be sittin’ there and smilin’.


Dodgers-Diamondbacks and the great angry contest

Bill Plaschke: Clayton Kershaw's actions are Cy Young-worthy

Photo: Allen J. Schaben / Los Angeles Times