What if, ahhh...eeee....Michelle Wie was more like....un....ohhh..Maria Sharapova?

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Watching the final set of the Sony Ericsson Open women’s championship match between Victoria Azarenka and Maria Sharapova, and the groundstrokes are breathtaking and the fierce fight of the wavery-serving Sharapova is amazing. She’s got 42 unforced errors and pretty much can’t hold her serve but she’s sticking to the second set as if the finish line is a wall of glue and Azarenka is trying to pry her off.

Soon as this is over, it’s off to the golf course to focus on the third round of the Kraft Nabisco Championship at Mission Hills Country Club in Rancho Mirage and all the noisy screeching, grunting coming from this tennis match makes my mind wander. What if golfers howled on their backswing?

Imagine if Michelle Wie let out an ‘Ahhh....EEEE...’ every time she teed off while on the hole in front of her Morgan Pressel was howling ‘’Unnnn...ooooof,..’ on every iron shot and Brittany Lincicome over on another hole was screeching ‘Aiiiii...Yeee..,’ as she putted.

I have a vision of small desert animals scurrying about with their little paws over their ears and the human gallery running for the hills.

Well, Azarenka just beat Sharapova, 6-1, 6-4. So off to the golf course. And blessed, blessed silence.

-- Diane Pucin